


Stay

by demondetox



Series: Stay!Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Implied Mpreg, M/M, Mpreg, Rating: NC17, bottom!Jared, bottom!Jensen, top!Jared, top!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-19
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:55:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demondetox/pseuds/demondetox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is a devoted dad, first and foremost. A nights out something long overdue in his agenda and that's exactly when he ends up in a club where he meets a guy who tickles his fancy. Probably more than he'd like to admit. Probably, maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

 

# 

#  STAY

 

"You sure you don't mind watching TJ tonight?" Jared tries his best not looking too excited about the prospect of having a night out since, well, a long time. He knows the answer his best friend Chad will give him before he even asks. He's going to answer with a yes.  
  
That's what he thought, but he should've known better because with Chad you can't ever be too sure what to expect.  
  
"Dude, we gonna be fine. Maybe I'll introduce him to some of my favorite porn." Chad says with sincerity and Jared almost chokes on his own spit. A simple yes would have been enough for an answer.  
  
"Don't you dare! Why did I even ask you?" Jared finally speaks after coughing up half his lung.  
  
"Your son's fourteen, perfect age to show him the ropes and let his cool uncle Chad have The Talk with him."  
  
"Wha--- No! He's still a child. Chad I know he's hitting puberty and acts out more often now but he's my baby. Maybe I should stay in."  
  
"He hasn't been a baby since you found his first pair of sticky boxers in the laundry. Now quit being a cockblocker on yourself and go have some fun."  
  
Jared huffs out a sharp breath and of course he knows Chad is right. Or will be, someday. When TJ is at least thirty and old enough to deal with whatever consequences his actions might cause. Because if Jared knows one thing for sure, it is to be damned, if his son would make the same mistakes he had done. Not that he considers his son a mistake, not by any means, but it was a long and rocky road for Jared.

  
  
**~~~•~~~**

  
The loud music from the speakers is pounding its way through his body, the bass on the edge of being deafening and the smoke almost blinding but there is still this little flutter of freedom running through him. He almost never takes a chance to have some time for himself, always puts his son first before his own needs. Just the way it's supposed to be. Doesn't mean Jared isn't missing what he never had. College had been a struggle, juggling all his classes, a job and a kid at the same time.

Jared makes his way through the crowd, using his elbows only a handful of times and is relieved when he spots a few empty chairs at the bar. Not that he needs more than one but it is always a plus not to get squeezed to death.  
  
After he downs his first beer he turns to face the dance floor, not sure if he should mingle in and risk being groped or just stay put and enjoy the view of all the guys writhing and thrusting against whatever ass or crotch they can reach first. Definitely not the place to find someone interested in a conversation above the belt. But surely good enough to free his mind from his daily routines and maybe he'll get lucky to get laid. He isn't really looking for a hook up who can't wait to dump him afterwards, but come to think of it he has long given up his hopes of ever finding his Mr. Right.  
  
He can feel eyes on him the whole time and that's something he will never get used to. Sure, he's aware that he isn't some ugly broad who'd better hide in a well until some prince comes along to kiss him pretty but he wouldn't call himself attractive enough to glue someone's eyes to him.  
  
Scanning the crowd Jared can feel his dick twitching with all the pheromones in the air, just a little reminder that it's been weeks since he's had anything other than his own hand bringing him to completion.  
  
"If you think this is bad, you shouldn't spare a thought of what's happening in the restrooms." A loud voice drawls right next to him and it takes Jared a while to tear his eyes off of all the humping in front of him to realize someone has spoken to him.  
  
When he turns towards the voice to look at who's speaking to him his breath hitches and whatever words he wanted to retort are dying fast on his tongue. Jared is sure he's staring and fuck, probably drooling some too. He clams his mouth shut to store all the drool because he can already feel his mouth going dry by the sight.  
  
The guy is slumping on the chair next to him, pearly white teeth grinning at him and when Jared moves his eyes up to meet two of the most intense green eyes he's ever seen he feels a hot wave of want washing through him.

This guy is fucking gorgeous, the light stubble on his jaw makes Jared almost purr and want to reach out and if he wouldn't know better he might think he's going a little cross-eyed when he tries to check the guy out without being too obvious. A gray Henley is hugging his biceps in such a perfect way he wants to rip it off and see what's hiding underneath. He can only assume the guy's build and damn that collarbone and neck look inviting to his trapped tongue. And even though the guy is sitting Jared guesses that he's at least six feet tall, if not an inch more. It's not often that Jared runs into people meeting him on eye level.  
  
"Man, are you alright? You look a little spooked."  
  
Jared immediately jerks his head back up and is surprised to see a frown covering the guy's face.  
  
"What? Sorry, yeah. No. I'm good, fine actually."  
  
"Haven't seen you here before." Mr. Handsome says and the frown is replaced with a genuine smile. Jared can't for the life of him figure out if the guy is flirting or just trying to make conversation. And there's just no way Jared can hold an intellectual conversation with all these crinkles around big round eyes distracting him.  
  
"Work." He says before he thinks his answer through again and a cocked eyebrow is urging him on to give out a few more details. "Usually I don't go out... that often." Now he just sounds like a freaking hermit. Fuck, he's making a total fool out of himself.  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it..." The guy begins to speak but whatever he says next is unknown to Jared; his sole focus draw on plush pink lips. They are moving oh so graciously and when the guy's tongue sneaks out to wet them Jared is sure he whimpers. In a manly way. Uh-huh. Of course.  
  
"Jenny! Quit bothering my customers." Someone all but shrieks and startles Jared out of his headspace.  
  
"Shut it, Chris. I'm not bothering anyone. Right... uh..."  
  
Oh, that's Jared's cue. "Jared" He offers to the bartender, -Chris-, and does his best to smile in agreement to the not-bothering statement.  
  
"Jensen." Comes from beside him and Jared takes the offered hand and only shivers a little at how well Jensen's hand fits in his.

After Jared has his libido somewhat under control he finds out that he is way too comfortable around Jensen, yet makes sure not to give too much of his personal information away. He's glad to see that Jensen got the memo and doesn't ask too many questions which would probably ruin the night for the both of them.  
  
Jared doesn't like hiding the fact that he has a son who's already in his teenage years when he himself is only thirty. But he learned early on that no matter if you're looking for something serious or nothing but a one night thing guys are always running for the hills; afraid of having to play stepdad. Yes he feels terrible about it, but he loves his son more than anything and he'd rather have him spared of the disappointment of being treated nicely only to lay his father on his back. It has happened before, Jared is more careful now and that's why he settles for one night stands these days. At least then he will have control over the situation and won’t have to bother his mind with what ifs; feelings mean trouble and opening up to someone. He's not ready for this kind of commitment, fear of ending up alone after all outweighing everything else. Even though he sometimes wishes there was someone smiling at him with love and adoration when they wake up tangled in sheets and yeah okay, Jared is a cuddler. He wouldn't mind being engulfed in comforting arms.  
  
Between serious topics and sports they talk about everything and nothing, their conversation only coming to a halt when they take a sip of their drinks and soon Jared grows bold, flirting with Jensen and throwing in innuendos to make it clear and obvious what exactly he expects to happen. Preferably sooner than later or else he might come in his pants if Jensen keeps smirking his smirk of doom. The last part he doesn't speak aloud, but his head's already planning the night for him.  
  
"So, what do you say about us moving this conversation somewhere... more quiet?" Jared is proud of his voice staying strong and he gives Jensen his best dimpled smile.  
  
"God, I thought you'd never ask." Jensen's grin almost splits his face in half and Jared groans in anticipation.  
  
"Please tell me you live close by?"  
  
The only answer Jared gets is Jensen pulling him off his chair and throwing a few bills on the counter to cover both their drinks.

As soon as they reach Jensen's car Jared is pressed up against the passenger door, Jensen's hands digging deep into his hips and his lips attacking Jared like a starving man’s.  
  
When he pulls back to give both their lungs some oxygen he looks around nervously and before Jared can ask what he is looking for Jensen is fumbling with his belt.  
  
"Wanted to kiss you the moment I saw you." His warm breath winds against Jared's ear, tongue sneaking out to lick along his neck and Jared is at loss for words. All his senses shut down when he can hear the distant sound of a zipper being opened.  
  
A cold shiver runs over his crotch and only then does Jared realize what's happening. Jensen is on his knees already, tugging Jared's jeans and boxers down until his half hard dick springs free.  
  
"Fuck." He curses and when he looks down Jensen winks at him.  
  
"Soon, I promise." Jensen smirks and all the cold air is gone and replaced by wet warm lips around his cock.  
  
He thrashes his head against the car, not even trying to think about what might happen if someone sees them. And even if, he couldn't care less because Jensen knows exactly what he's doing. Jared had many blowjobs before but never this good. Those spit slick lips around his dick are definitely more skilled than anyone else he's ever had.  
  
Surprisingly enough Jensen doesn't even gag when he's taking Jared in almost all the way and the few inches he can't take he covers with his hand. His other hand holding Jared in place and Jared is thankful for it because if he could his hips would probably snap forward into those heavenly sucking cheeks.  
  
It doesn't take long and Jared comes with a rough cry, his hands falling to Jensen's head, trying to still the other man's movements. But Jensen won't let go, keeps sucking and licking Jared's crown until he swallows every single drop of come down his throat.  
  
If it wasn't for Jensen holding him upright his legs couldn't support him any longer, his knees nothing but noodles and pretty much useless.  
  
After his brain catches up again he pulls Jensen back up against his chest and kisses him thoroughly, chasing his own taste until he can barely breathe anymore.  
  
"Let... let me reciprocate" Jared offers between all the licking and dirty tonsil tennis.

"Too late." Jensen says with a shrug and a sheepish smile and Jared dares to look a little lower, seeing a dark spot covering Jensen's pants. "Guess I wanted to do more than just plunder your pretty lips when I saw you entering the club."  
  
"Jesus Christ." Is all Jared can come up with. It's been forever since anyone came in their pants only from sucking him off. This fact alone sends a warm flutter through his stomach but he doesn't think about it for too long and blames it on the orgasm he’s just had.  
  
"Let's get out of here. I wanna get rid of these pants before it gets too icky. And you, you are wearing too many clothes for my liking." Jensen grins and opens the passenger door for him and almost trips over his own feet when he races around the car to get in as well.  
  
And Jared definitely doesn't find it cute at all.  
  
Jensen's key barely unlocks the door to his apartment and Jared is back into a familiar position, his back hitting every possible wall Jensen pushes him against and he can only guess that Jensen is about to grind him to the bedroom. He doesn't ask though, not that he physically could anyway, with all that tongue between his lips.  
  
Both men are already back to full hardness and Jared wants nothing more than all these offending layers of clothes to get the fuck out of the way. Jensen must either be a mind reader or he's tortured by the same thoughts because within seconds there are shoes being kicked off, hitting furniture left and right and shortly after the buttons on Jared's shirt fly as high as the ceiling.  
  
Jensen is pulling at him, ripping both their clothes off with fast and talented smoothness before he spins Jared around and gives him a little push to his chest.  
  
Once Jared shimmies up on the bed Jensen furiously pulls off Jared's pants and boxers in one quick motion.  
  
"Damn, you're gorgeous." He breathes heavily before stepping out of his own pants and then crawls up Jared's body.  
  
Wherever Jensen touches him he feels like that specific spot is on fire. His blood running from hot to Mordor in one second flat and all he can do is whimper and beg; for what he isn't so sure. Jensen nibbles and sucks on Jared's leaking cock, tongue playing painfully slow along the vein on his shaft and when he takes him into his mouth again Jared is bucking his hips up.

It's been so long since anyone paid this much attention to Jared's body, every touch careful and soft yet rough and demanding. But the need for more is so deep he can barely stand it any longer.  
  
When he drags Jensen up to crash their lips together he's lifting his hips up invitingly, showing the other man what he wants, grinding their dicks together and the friction is too much and not enough.  
  
"Wanna fuck you, Jared. Can't wait to be inside you."  
  
"Hell yes."  
  
Jared has exactly twenty seconds to mourn the loss of Jensen's solid body on top of his own and then the other man triumphantly holds up a bottle of lube and places a condom on Jared's stomach.  
  
Jensen isn't as big as Jared but still endowed above average so Jared sends a silent thank you upstairs when the guy dumps an enormous amount of lube into his palm.  
  
The burn of the intrusion by the first finger has Jared hiss through his teeth, Jensen comforts him with soothing strokes over his chest and when he gets a hold of Jared's nipple he's twisting it gently, distracting Jared's senses to the pleasure instead of the slightly uncomfortable pressure in his ass. And Jared feels the urge to kiss the man stupid for being this attentive.  
  
Soon enough the pain fades and the first finger is replaced with two, followed by a third just minutes later. The feeling of fullness and nothing but satisfaction has his brain cells boiling.  
  
When Jensen finally declares him ready Jared gets up into a sitting position, taking the condom from the man and opens it with his teeth, eyes never leaving Jensen's and the man's lust blown pupils could surely be the death of him.  
  
Jensen bends his back, ass sitting on his heels and hands supporting his weight on each side of his feet; giving Jared enough room to put the condom on his cock.  
  
Jared takes the little nub of the condom between his lips and winks at Jensen before he leans down and rolls it with his mouth over the cock head and then agonizingly slow over his full length.  
  
Jensen moans incoherent nonsense and Jared mentally pats his own back. Because physically he can't, both hands caressing Jensen's thighs, squeezing lightly on the inside and nuzzles his lips over the other man's flat stomach. Only stopping to suck on each nipple, licking around the tight nubs until they are hard and oversensitive.

"Keep this up and we won't get to the good part any time soon." Jensen is keening, his hips jerking and cock rubbing against Jared's abdomen.  
  
Jared licks a hot line along the man's throat, feeling each vibration of his groans on his tongue and sucks on the crook where Jensen’s neck meets the shoulder until blood is being drawn to the surface. Jensen doesn't seem to mind being marked like this and it gives Jared some sort of pride, knowing that Jensen won't be able to forget about him until the hickey is fully healed. He doesn't particularly need the man to remember him, after tonight he's never going to see him again anyway. But still.  
  
"Please... come on man, stop teasing." Comes a low growl from beneath.  
  
"Make it good." Jared breathes against the shell of his ear and deep down his brain keeps saying 'make it last'. He ignores it.  
  
One fast movement and a smirking _'oh you bet'_ later Jared is on all fours, his ass on full display for the other man. He feels vulnerable like this. Sure he could fight if need be but in a position like this and as worked up as he is he couldn't do anything other than take what Jensen is giving him. Jensen seems to be a good guy though so Jared wills his brain to quit overanalyzing and he's got the feeling that Jensen won't take advantage of Jared's trust.

When Jensen lines his cock up Jared is trembling, his limbs shaking and hands digging deep into the sheets. Jensen's hand is on his lower back rubbing soothingly and he doesn't stop with the caress until he's fully sheathed inside him. Once he's balls deep in Jared's ass he stills his movements, giving Jared time to adjust. Not every guy is this patient when all they want is to fuck, fast and hard. Maybe Jensen is really that good-natured, random hook up or not. Jared is grateful.  
  
He gives Jensen the go and mumbles how good it feels, how full he is and _more_ and _now_ and _don’t you dare stop_. Jensen starts with a slow and gentle pace, pulling out until his cockhead reaches the rim and shoving slowly back inside. Only when Jared glares at him over his shoulder and almost shouts at him to fuck him already does he speed up, angling his hips to perfectly ram against his prostate with every other thrust.  
  
All Jared can do is hold on for dear life on the headboard, meeting the other man's thrusts and soon they have a perfect rhythm going. Jensen pistons his dick in and out and Jared is a whimpering and begging mess, the other man having his hips in a bruising grip to impale him on his cock even harder.

Jared's head is spinning, his nerves on overload and he wishes this night would last forever.  
  
"So tight... God, you feel amazing. Fuck. So close." Jensen groans behind him, his hips not stopping and when he changes the angle one last time Jared cries out his release, his whole body shuddering and spazzing. He’s coming so hard, undone, he has to try to breathe through it or he might pass out. Stark white mix of enjoyable pain and pure pleasure rumbles through his groin when he shoots jets of come across the sheets and Jensen keeps fucking him through it, doesn’t quit until Jared’s hole is contracting and clenching around Jensen’s cock painfully, he shoots his come deep inside Jared’s ass, his hips shaking and he thrusts half a dozen times more until each and every drop of his orgasm is emptied inside the condom.

They both collapse on the bed, Jensen still inside and on top of Jared. His weight crushing Jared but for some unexplainable reason he doesn't even mind, slings his arm around and behind Jensen, pulling him close when he pushes his ass back onto Jensen's dick some more. Jensen groans, satisfied and fucked out, his warm puffs of breath tickling along Jared’s neck.

“That was…”

“Yeah.” Jared finishes hoping it was something positive the other man was about to say. They lie like this for several minutes, not giving a damn that Jensen’s now flaccid cock is still inside him. After another few long minutes he carefully pulls out and gets up to dispose of the condom in the bathroom. Jared knows what’s coming next, he will be asked to leave and as much as some part of him wants to stay, he can’t stop his still slightly shaking limbs from getting up. It’s always better to leave on your own terms than being kicked out after a good fuck.

Jared looks around, trying his best to be as little nosy as possible and picks up some of his clothes from around the bed.

“Wha--- What are you doing?” Jensen is suddenly right behind him, still nude, just like Jared himself is. Jared is clutching his clothes to his chest and takes a deep breath until he’s composed enough to not get distracted by those long arms around his waist. This is exactly the kind of awkward situation Jared wanted to avert and yet he’s still standing there, heart racing faster than before and those damn hands scanning every inch of his shivering skin.

“Leaving.” He states in a somewhat calm and convincing tone. “Or did you not grasp the concept of a one night stand?” Jared knows he sounds like an ass but it’s always so much easier to hurt than being hurt.

“Exactly…,” Jensen begins and then moves on to pronounce his every word with a soft kiss to Jared’s back, “One.” He shifts on his heels and Jared is shivering in his hold, Jensen’s soft cock brushing against his ass, “ _Night._ ”, he stretches the word out then steps all the way around Jared until he’s right in front of him, invading his personal space and takes all clothes out of Jared’s hand, dropping them to the floor with a thud of what Jared can only guess must have been his belt buckle. Not that he really gives a shit about his clothes, not when this beautiful guy goes on his tiptoes to fuck his tongue into Jared’s mouth and Jared is long done complaining. “Stand.” Jensen finishes between biting and licking along Jared’s lips.

Jared can feel his feet moving, can feel the change of texture underneath his bare feet, Jensen still in front of him as close as he could ever be without crashing them both to the floor while walking.

“…and you better believe that the night isn’t over yet.”

Jared swallows. Hard. Only a few minutes later he and Jensen are pressed up against each other in the shower and Jared gasps in surprise when Jensen’s hands move under his thighs, picking him up like he weighs nothing. He has no chance but to wrap his longer legs around Jensen’s waist and his back is propped against the warm tiles, supporting his weight at least a little. Otherwise he’s afraid Jensen might drop him. And wouldn’t that be just one hell of an embarrassing situation to be in.

All his thoughts are gone as fast as they appeared when he feels Jensen’s finger toying with his crack, pushing a finger inside his hole, finding no resistance, he’s still opened up enough from their earlier fucking. Jensen finger fucks him until he’s got three digits inside of him and both of them are slowly growing so hard again it almost hurts, their moans and the running water the only sounds in the room.

Their kiss feels like so much more than just working up to more sex. Jared isn’t sure he can go another round, but his dick is already twitching again, Jensen is pushing all the right buttons to make his cock stand up all proud and willing again.

Jensen cocks his head to the soap rack and Jared reaches over to grab one of the condoms, opens it up and rolls it over the other man’s waiting dick.

They fuck for what feels like hours, rutting and grunting like dogs in heat and not once does Jensen allow Jared’s legs to fall from his waist, instead tries to pull him even closer, nails digging half moon shapes in Jared’s thighs and ass cheeks with every shallow thrust. When Jensen’s pulsing his come deep inside the condom Jared follows only seconds later, stroking himself with a tight grip; Jensen’s dick ramming onto his prostate and the more than just sexual intimacy between them driving him over the edge.

Later on Jared doesn’t even protest when the other man curls up around him in bed, their bodies still a little damp from the shower, the scent of soap and sex lingering in the air and he can feel how his eyes begin to droop and before he can think too much of it he’s dozing off to the sound of content and relaxed breathing coming from the man next to him.

They fuck more that night and Jared curses inwardly that he must have had some kind of bad luck picking out a guy with a murderous stamina in a club full of willing bodies. The sex is amazing, there’s just no other word for it and he’s feeling weirdly proud of himself that Jensen keeps waking him to have his way with him.

Each time it takes them longer to reach their orgasm than the time before. It’s exhausting, dirty and most definitely the best sex Jared’s ever had. His body is sore all over, in a very good way.

When his sleep heavy form registers a wet tongue lapping around his nipple he couldn’t say no even if he wanted to.

Jensen is all over him again, peppering every inch of Jared’s sweat slick skin with feathery kisses, sucking hard nipples between his sinful lips and licking away every little drop of sweat he can still find. Jensen can’t seem to get enough and Jared won’t complain, takes it all, saves every little detail and every sensation in the back of his mind for future jerk off sessions.

Jared knows he’s begging again but obviously Jensen has this affect on him and he only wants more. And then some. It’s been way too long since anyone took so much care of Jared as if he was something precious, something that needs to be cherished. It’s easy to get lost in those sentiments.

It’s torture is what the fuck it is what Jensen is doing to him, his tongue a mix of heaven and hell, his fingers playing him like a fiddle and not a single spot on Jared’s sun kissed skin is left forgotten. Vigorously Jared grabs Jensen by the back of his head to crash their lips together in a brutal kiss until his jaw is ready to pop out of its socket. Jensen is panting hard in his mouth, their breaths becoming one and Jared just wants and needs. One hard and not so gentle push and he has Jensen flat on his back, grinning down at him wickedly and he straddles him, has Jensen’s hands pinned to the headboard by his wrists. Jared takes a moment to take in the strong facial features of the man underneath him. Jensen’s eyes are almost black by the mere light shining in from the moon and his long lashes draw feather like shadows over his freckled cheeks. The guy is probably the most beautiful thing Jared has ever seen.

“Get up here.” Jensen orders in a harsh tone and bucks his hips enough to push Jared’s groin forward; closer to his face. Jared is unsure if he should do what it looks like Jensen wants him to do and he waits just a minute longer for Jensen to nudge him again, his half hard cock bumping against swollen pink lips.

Jensen blows him to full hardness again within a few minutes, urging him on to claim him, to use his mouth and Jared does as he’s told –without so many words, considering his dick’s blocking Jensen’s vocal chords. It’s a miracle that he can even get it up again after all the fucking they’ve done in the last few hours.

He’s pushing his cock into Jensen’s mouth for what feels like an eternity; driving in continuously, slick lips covering his shaft and hollowed cheeks are about to suck his brains out through his dick and only when Jensen starts gagging a little does Jared slow down.

When his orgasm rushes over him way too soon he can’t look away; can’t not stare at the pretty face underneath him, how this beautiful guy swallows every drop of his come and licks his lips lewdly after Jared pulls out.

Yet it’s not enough, Jared wants more, needs more of this gorgeous man who’s looking up at him with lust filled eyes. He almost topples out of bed, his legs still weak and shaking, when he grabs another condom from the nightstand. He hands it to Jensen, his eyes not leaving the other man’s hands and freckled fingers roll the condom over their owner’s cock. Jared whimpers at the sight and Jensen drags it out, teasing himself more than Jared. He can’t take it anymore when he all but slaps Jensen’s hands away to take over, rolls the condom all the way over Jensen’s thick length and in one swift movement crawls over the other man again, lowering his ass until Jensen’s dick nudges against his hole.

His thoughts circle around some prepping, and lube but eventually decides against it; wants to feel this. Wants to feel Jensen. Preferably for a few days. Jared sinks down inch by inch, the stretch and burn of the intrusion soon covered by bliss and pleasure when the head of Jensen’s cock brushes against his prostate and all Jared can do is hold on to whatever slippery part of Jensen’s chest he can find leverage on and his hips start to work on their own accord. His weight is pinning Jensen down and Jared rides him hard and fast, the sound of ass cheeks slapping against skin and writhing pleas the only sound disturbing the otherwise quiet air. When Jensen comes Jared sucks and kisses every moan out of the other man’s mouth.

Jared has no idea how long he’s been dozing off but when he opens his eyes, it’s only to see a set of green eyes staring at him and something wet is playing with his hole. He sees the gleeful anticipation and it doesn’t take a smart man to understand what the guy wants. _Again_. Fuck!

“Can’t get enough of you.” Jensen whispers against his throat, his lips travelling further south to lick a long stripe down his chest. “You feel so amazing.” He adds and pushes his index finger inside Jared’s abused hole; knuckle deep and crooks it long enough until Jared is keening and writhing, pushing his ass down on Jensen’s hand. “I usually never get up before 9am, but I can’t break my promise of keeping you for the whole night.” Jensen is up to two fingers already, scissoring his ass like there’s no tomorrow. “We slept for about...,” he cranes his neck to take a look at the alarm clock on the nightstand and turns around with a wide grin, “…four hours. That should be enough recovery time for both of us.”

Jensen leans down to plunge his tongue between Jared’s lips, mapping out every spot he can reach and Jared is sure the guy wants to eat him alive. Or something. But damn it feels awesome. He can’t remember ever being woken up by someone playing him, using him in a way he can’t disagree with.

“More.” He hears himself begging shamelessly and Jensen blinks at him, pulls his fingers out and smirks at Jared.

“Please, help yourself.” Jensen chuckles at him and rolls off of Jared, only to prop himself up with his back against the headboard.

Jared is kneeling on Jensen’s lap; facing out and his back pressed against Jensen’s chest while he brackets Jensen’s muscled thighs between his own legs. Strong hands on his hips guide him up and down on Jensen’s dick; soft and slow… conversantly. It scares Jared how secure he feels in Jensen’s hold. Kitten like kisses are placed between his shoulder blades while tentative fingers caress along every knob of his spine. Goose bumps paint every inch of Jared’s body, all these tiny hairs on his neck jitter from the brush of skin.

With a moderate push from the other man Jared lowers his body, bends forward and supports his weight with his elbows on the mattress. He’s not sure if he can maintain this position for long but Jensen’s hold on him is steady and before he can think of how he must look like this he can feel Jensen’s thumb against his ass, circling it around his dick and pushing it in alongside the hard flesh.

Rosy cheeks cover Jared’s face, he feels vulnerable and embarrassed, knows exactly what Jensen can see and it makes his whole body tremble. Jensen regales his ears with sparse and filthy endorsements and not for the first time that night does Jared want this to last.

Jensen pushes his dick slowly in and out of Jared’s ass and he can’t shake the little voices in his head telling him it feels like a goodbye fuck. And it’s exactly what it is Jared tells himself.

“Touch yourself. Wanna see your ass swallow my cock when you come.” Jensen says in a hoarse voice and Jared is so painfully hard and dying to come that all his blood keeps rushing towards his dick, otherwise there might have been some blood left to stain his cheeks. But as it is he only has to stroke his cock a few times before white stars start dancing in front of his eyes and his whole body is running hot and cold at the same time. Coming on Jensen’s dick feels like falling apart, only to be put back together with kneading hands on his hips when Jensen comes inside him. Every spurt of Jensen’s release inside the condom spoils Jared’s prostate over and over again and if Jensen will keep this up Jared won’t ever go soft again. At least that’s the theory in his head. In reality he accuses Jensen of breaking his dick when he finally goes soft and lax between his thighs. A loud chuckle from the man behind him all the answer he will get before they once again settle back into a sleeping position. Jared is too tired and too exhausted to be disgusted by Jensen taking off the condom and how he simply ties a knot around it before he throws it in the direction of the bathroom. Jared doesn’t care, he’s been fucked more than proper and it’s not him who has to clean up the mess when he leaves.

 

**~~~•~~~**

 

"...too early." Jensen mumbles, dropping a sleepy kiss on Jared's chest and Jared does everything to shut his brain up with thinking that this is hella adorable.

Jared woke up with too many thoughts invading his brain and a glance to the alarm clock told him it’s already past noon. He’s never been gone that long but he knows that he doesn’t have to worry about TJ, Chad is perfectly capable of handling the teenager just fine and if Jared dares to be honest with himself he would admit that he never slept as good as he did with Jensen by his side. But he’s not brave enough to offer himself this kind of luxury of happy thinking.

"Go back to sleep." Jensen speaks again, not once opening his eyes and Jared is asking himself how this guy even figured that he's already awake since he's still lying completely still.  
  
"Gotta pee." He lies and pulls his larger frame away from Jensen and out of bed. Only then does Jensen open his eyes, rubs them with the back of his hands and stares up at Jared, confusion clearly visible.

  
"Leaving... aren't ya?"  
  
Jared could swear he can read disappointment and hurt in those beautiful green eyes but he can't go all sentimental.  
  
Instead he does what he hopes is considered polite since his experience is far different than what's going on with this guy here. It almost looks like Jensen doesn't want him to go, which is totally new to Jared. He's usually being lead to the door before the sheets have a chance to cool off. And yet here he still is. Jared is getting dressed and ready to leave; doing to himself what he always hated others doing to him. _Leaving._ But the night is over, even Jensen has to see that now. Even good things have to come to an end sometime. Especially good things, because they always turn bad.  
  
He walks back closer to the bed to cup Jensen's cheek in his hand, bends over only enough to brush his lips against the other man's but pulls back before it gets too much to bear.  
  
"Thank you." For what he's thankful he doesn't really understand himself.  
  
"Y--You could stay a little while longer. I’m not a great cook or anything but I can whip up some pancakes. Coffee, I can fix us some coffee." Jensen asks shyly but Jared only shakes his head, a rueful smile on his lips.

"At least give me your number? I mean, I'd really like to see you again. Uh, sometime. You know?"  
  
Yeah, Jared does know and deep down he would really want to see Jensen again. But the circumstances aren't right. Never will be. He knows what men really think about him especially once they learn about his son, has heard it many times before, how much of a fuck up he is and nothing but a good lay, stupid enough to get knocked up at sixteen. No one ever cared enough to ask him about his past or why he ended up pregnant in the first place. Of course he's had a few rocks to climb but he always managed to jump over those and provide a more than comfortable life for TJ and him.  
  
When he was the same age his son is now he dreamed of becoming a vet but when his doctor told him he was pregnant all his dreams flew out the window. His parents only supportive enough as to not kick him out, gave him the chance to finish High School. After he graduated he moved out, by request of his father. All financial support had been cut off immediately and after many more disappointments he found a real estate agency willing to hire him for an internship and soon after offered financial aid to pay for his financial management degree with the stipulation of working for them full time for at least five years. That has been six years ago and today he's one of their best real estate agents.  
  
His job isn't anything close to what he wanted to be. But how many kids turn out to be astronauts? Maybe one out of a few million so he doesn't complain, he has long ago adjusted and is now willing to say he loves his job. It took years and endless conversations for his parents to come around, eventually they did and he’s more than glad about it. Always wanted them to be a part of TJ’s life, couldn’t imagine what it must be like for a kid to grow up without any relatives cooing over him and all his small steps and milestones.  
  
"Jared?" Jensen rips him out of his musings and he wishes he would have enough confidence to tell Jensen exactly what he was spacing out about. But their night was too good to be destroyed by any trouble talk from Jared's past. He doesn’t want to burst the bubble he built inside his mind of Jensen being an amazing guy only by seeing a different side of him when he learns more about Jared’s life.  
  
"Sorry." He says instead, placing another kiss on Jensen's lips.

He leaves only seconds later, ignoring the hollow ache in his chest, the feeling of loss and regret keeping him company for a long time to come. He knows the night he’s spent with Jensen will haunt him, the memory of sensitive touches and hard but sweet kisses feel like a branding on his skin already.

 

**~~~•~~~**

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place 15 years before Jared meets Jensen.

Kerr had Jared swimming in a bubble of charm; wooed him with his intellect and wrapped Jared around all his ten fingers in a heartbeat. Overcredulous and only thirteen, Jared was crushing hard on his older brother Jeff's best friend. He was so sure none of his secret looks and fantasies when he stroked his dick for the first time with Kerr's perfect smile on his mind, have been noticed by the older man.  
  
God, he was so wrong.  
  
For his fifteenth birthday Jared gave himself a little present. He had been watching porn regularly already and couldn't wait any longer, wanted to know what it feels like to have something slightly bigger than his own fingers up his ass.  
  
It took Jared all his allowance and a bus ride almost ten towns over to get to the adult store he had looked up online beforehand; to buy himself the dildo of his choice. When he arrived back home he face palmed himself over his stupidity of the lube he totally forgot to buy along with the toy. Some body lotion or shower gel would do. And it did.

Their parents and his younger sister Megan had been on a trip to some forlorn cabin in Colorado. It took a lot of convincing to let Jared stay at home with Jeff. All he had to promise his brother was to never say a word to their folks about the party Jeff had planned.  
  
Of course Jared would keep his trap shut because he knew when Jeff would throw a party there was also the chance of having Kerr around. Still gangly and stretched by a growth spurt Jared never believed the handsome older man would spare a second to so much as look at him. But he was okay with it, liked checking the guy out from afar and two years of jerking off to the guy's image in his head wasn't that bad.  
  
Jeff's party had been a success, at least for the time being. Sure, he wasn't an actual participant in the circle of drinking and dancing college kids but he constantly found excuses to sneak out of his room and scan the crowd for Kerr. Jared made his way to the kitchen and stopped in his tracks when he witnessed the man of his jerk off fantasies groping and grinding some girl against the kitchen isle. The girl's back was all Jared could see and all he needed to notice and he immediately hated her. Hated her for having what he wanted so badly. He couldn't stand looking at them, how Kerr's hands slipped under her tiny skirt, his lips sucking on her tits through the fine cotton of her tight shirt and the gasp of shock leaving his throat caught the older man's attention. When those dazed blue eyes stared at Jared he ran; taking two steps at once to get back upstairs into his room.  
  
He knew there was never a chance of Kerr thinking about him the way he did but it hurt nonetheless to see the other man making that girl moan like a whore.  
  
The house was cramped with too many people and the loud music was definitely worth a call to the cops by the neighbors. Sometimes Jared still wishes they had called the police to stop the party but then he looks at his son and knows that every painful word from Kerr and months of heartbroken sobs were worth it. But sending the neighbors and cops a fruit basket was just a tad too much.  
  
Jared was a sobbing mess, hiding under the covers of his bedding like a frightened little kid when he suddenly felt the bed dip.  
  
"Knew you'd come back down. Knew you were watching the second you stepped into the kitchen."  
  
Warm hands creeped under the blankets, searching for Jared's shaking body and he had no idea what was happening; why Kerr would be in his room.  
  
"Jared, come on." The other man slurred and carefully pulled the covers away. "Wanna tell me why you were about to kill that chick with your pretty eyes?"  
  
Jared only shook his head wildly, not daring to look at Kerr. He was embarrassed beyond believe and not able to voice the heartbreak he felt when he watched the man with this girl.  
  
"Should have told me; a long time ago."  
  
"What?"  
  
Jared didn't get an answer, instead the bed dipped even further, Kerr's body crawling on top of him and only seconds later his lips were engulfed in a heated kiss. It wasn't anything like Jared expected his first kiss to be but it was Kerr so it really didn't matter.  
  
"Do you want this, Jared? Want me?" Kerr breathed against his lips and Jared could only nod, didn't trust his voice one bit.  
  
"If Jeff finds out, he'll kill me. You know that, don't you baby boy?"  
  
"Not... not going to tell him. I promise." Jared knew he sounded desperate but this was his dream coming true. He didn't question the older man, didn't ask for how long he knew about Jared's libido being focused solely on him, maybe they'll talk about this some other time, Jared had thought.  
  
Wrong again.  
  
Clothing had been removed fast and without any finesse and soon Jared found himself face first into his pillows.  
Kerr prepped his virgin hole thoroughly but when the man's hard flesh breached through the first resistance Jared wished he had bought a bigger dildo to practice with.  
  
It hurt. A fucking lot. Not a word of discomfort left Jared's lips though. He wanted this, wanted Kerr and he had done his research, knew anal sex wasn't comfortable if you're not used to it. Or a virgin; for that matter. After a while of shallow thrusts something inside him was tingling, the feel of flying crushing his senses and he distantly noticed how the pain turned into something he wouldn't ever want to live without. His prostate. A freaking God's sent.  
  
It was over way too fast, Jared's come staining the sheets between his legs and Kerr following only seconds later with a loud groan when he spilled his seed in Jared's tight channel.  
  
The older man pulled out the second his come started leaking from Jared's hole and the burn of the movement had Jared hiss in soreness.  
  
"Such a perfect boy." Kerr whispered against the damp skin of Jared's back.  
  
"Will... uh, will you stay?" Jared wanted to know, his face burning red.  
  
"Of course... not. Jeff will have my balls if he knew. So be a good little boy and keep your promise."  
  
And Jared did, for years. When his doctor gave him the news of his pregnancy only a couple of months later Jared had gone out to find Kerr without Jeff knowing what's going on. It was a hassle but eventually he hunted him down and the disappointment of Kerr's lack of interest in seeing him was agonizing. To say the older man wasn't pleased about the pregnancy would have been an understatement.  
  
"Jared, it was one night, nothing more. I've known you're interested all along, you're like an open book. But a kid? Sorry, not my cup of tea. You've been a good lay and there's that. Everything else? Not my business."  
  
Jared cried himself to sleep that night; scared and afraid of the unknown future lying ahead of him. Keeping the father of his unborn child a secret was eating at him. He felt like revenge was necessary, but it wouldn't have done him or his baby any good.  
  
Until TJ's sixth birthday rolled around and Jeff came to visit. He finally found something close to peace of mind when Jeff tore Kerr a new one; a broken nose, splintered jaw and dislocated shoulder all Jared needed to hear from his older brother when he had called him from the holding cell.  
  
Jeff showed up two days prior to TJ's sixth birthday and the two brothers ended up reliving the past, discussed the present and planning the future. They had been digging through his son's baby pictures when Jeff started giggling.  
  
"What's with you?"  
  
"If I didn't know any better I could swear Tristan looks almost exactly like Kerr's son."  
  
Jared was shocked, his face pale and throat constricted. He didn't even know Kerr had another child, only heard that he married some girl he met at college and didn’t take his vows of fidelity that serious.

Jeff and Kerr were still friends, hanging out whenever their jobs would allow them to, but Jeff had a family of his own already; a beautiful wife and twins on the way. The party animal from a few years ago; barely present anymore.  
Jared had asked why he and Kerr aren't that tight anymore and all the answer he received was that Kerr was a little too wild, not giving a shit about responsibilities and too busy hooking up with whoever he could lay on their back first. Jeff didn't want to be part of Kerr’s lifestyle anymore, rather wanted to spend quality time with the woman he married only a year after meeting her.  
  
It took Jared exactly one night to learn how much of an asshole Kerr really was. He had been so blind and stupid and often did he think that maybe Kerr was only nice to him until he had him underneath his thrusting hips.  
  
Jared felt nauseous by Jeff's comment over TJ's baby pictures, his stomach in a deathly battle with his racing heart and he wanted the world to open up and swallow him whole.  
  
"Jared...?"  
  
He didn't register Jeff's voice directed at him and he had no idea how to calm his nerves or stop his limbs from shaking.  
  
"Oh my God!" And that was the moment his big brother figured it all out.  
  
"Jeff, I... I'm sorry." Jared felt like a little child again, his shoulders sagging downwards and he was sure this would end bad. His brother would never forgive him for keeping this from him.  
  
"Please tell me you're not serious." Jeff wasn't mad, he was furious.  
  
"I promised not to tell anyone." Jared tried to control his voice but he couldn't possibly hide the sobs leaving his mouth.  
  
"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch!"  
  
"Jeff, please. Just, no. You weren't even supposed to know."  
  
"The fuck I was. I thought this asshole was my friend. Did you forget you were left hanging with a baby? I'll end this bastard. Years ago I told him if he ever dared to look at you funny I'd castrate him. It's time to fucking do just that!"  
  
Jeff was out of the door only a minute later and Jared's suspicions have been confirmed. Kerr must have waited for Jared to break, nothing else would have made any sense. His brother had threatened Kerr in the past and the guy simply didn't care. Only cared about Jared keeping quiet about their night; about Kerr taking his virginity... and knocking him up along the way. But he always knew that it takes two to have sex; to get pregnant. Jared wasn't in any condition to think about consequences, much less about protection. Many times Jared wanted to hate Kerr for not thinking about condoms, but both of them were to be rapped.  
  
No matter how often Jared had hoped for lightning to strike Kerr down for treating him like scum, he didn't want him dead. And Jeff being loose, on a mission to restore Jared's virtue was a sure way to kill TJ's father.  
  
Kerr had survived Jeff's attack and Jeff had been charged for premeditated assault; but got away with three year probation and a ten thousand dollar fine.  
  
"So fucking worth it." Jeff had said after the trial, and ever since the subject of Kerr hasn't been brought up again.  
  
TJ first asked about his father when he was in daycare and other kids had two parents and little TJ was curious how and why he only had one daddy. Jared found it easy to explain it to his son when he was still so young but the older his son got, the more complicated and demanding his questions became. Many tears have been shed by the both of them but when TJ was old enough he eventually understood that Jared was not to blame for being a single parent. Jared had said if TJ would ever want to meet his other father, get to know him and learn about his life, then he would support him no matter what. So far though, TJ showed no interest in meeting Kerr. Jared is secretly happy about it.


	3. Chapter 3

The morning routine Jared has going for years now he can handle blind; get up, jog a mile around the neighborhood, take a shower, wake up TJ and get started with breakfast while yelling in the direction of his son's room to get up already. Rinse and repeat when dawn reaches his sleeping body the next morning.  
  
His mornings used to be so simple, so easy and carefree, now though, now it's not only his legs running wild; the wheels in his head keep his mind busy with more, something he had almost forgotten exists.  
  
Now it's nothing but yet another day of getting through, a constant ache in the pit of his stomach and the feeling of missing something. Or someone. But Jared doesn't want to get into it too deep, doesn't like the feeling of loneliness and the thoughts and doubts that come along with it. Almost two months have gone by already and no matter how many times he's gone out to scratch that itch, none of these random hook ups could fill the void that's keeping him up at night.  
  
Only when he closes his eyes at night and pretends gentle, yet firm hands touching his heated skin, making him burn from the inside out and when he imagines bright green eyes smiling down at him does he find a moment of relief and satisfaction. The fact that he can't even get off without those images clouding his senses and memories invading his mind, is really fucking scary. Somewhere during the damn marathon sex with Jensen, Jared's soul must have crossed a line - without his consent.  
  
There is no such thing as falling for someone only because they know how to play your body. At least that's what Jared keeps telling himself. Yet constant guilt washes over him when he remembers sad eyes looking up at him as he left the other man, has his toes curl by the mere thought and he wants to take it back. Wants to go back all those weeks and listen to that one little voice in his head telling him to get a few damn pancakes and a fucking coffee. But it’s too late for any of this. Even if Jared was brave enough to contact Jensen again; he wouldn’t know how. He doesn’t even know the guy’s last name, nor does he have his phone number and if he’s being honest, he was too confused and yeah, fucked out to remember where Jensen lived. When he left Jensen’s house the morning after the sex-athon his brain was nothing but a big empty space.  
  
Maybe, though, the breakfast invitation wasn't anything but a little energy filler for more sex afterwards. But those eyes. Damn, Jared had never seen someone being so upset for being expelled after getting laid. Except Jared himself.  
  
Surely he was reading too much into it, his brain screwing with him because his heart was beating just a tad faster than it's supposed to. No guy in their right mind would see more in Jared, would be willing to share the joy that it almost always is to have a family. Jensen won't be any different.  
  
"I'm not a little kid anymore you know? And I'm not blind either. I can see that something's bothering you. Is it about my grades in home economics? Told you I was sorry for skipping and I'll... I'll do better but our coach is prepping us for the game against the Dallas Bulldogs. And...-"  
  
His son's voice behind him pulls him out of the funk he's in and he does so just in time to save their house from burning down too. The bacon is only half ruined and the scrambled eggs, well they're a fine black color of completely burned.  
  
"TJ, you didn't only skip home ecs. You also faked my signature more than once on the permission slip so you wouldn't have to attend classes. Makes me look like I don't give a damn about your education."  
  
Jared tosses everything in the trash and gets both of them some cereals. It's the best option for both of them to stay alive and not lose their property to cooking gone wrong.  
  
"Dad, I'm sorry." TJ's eyes don't leave his' and Jared knows his son is telling the truth; can always look right through him. Except, obviously, when the boy spots criminal tendencies for his soccer career.  
  
"Sure you are. Listen buddy, I know how important it is for you to be on the team but if your damn coach can't figure out a more convenient schedule I'll have a talk with him."  
  
"He doesn't know about my grades." TJ has the decency to look repentant.  
  
The spoon clatters into Jared's bowl and it startles both of them equally.  
  
"Well, isn't that just great. This is exactly why I wanted you to join the High School's team and not the private held." Truth is, he prefers his son on the private team, knows exactly which opportunities his son's being offered if and when TJ decides going professional with his soccer skills. But giving in is not an option for Jared. He’s a father first and has to make sure his son doesn’t steer off course into a decent future. You never know what fate has in store for you and therefore he wants his son to finish school first; preferably with acceptable grades. In case this whole soccer dream doesn't come true and TJ wants more out of his life than flipping burgers at some fast food joint.  
  
"But dad, they suck. How am I supposed to ever have a chance to get into FC Dallas when half the team doesn't even know what they are doing."  
  
"At least talk to your coach, figure something out. If you won't, I will and boy, you're not going to like the outcome of that." Damn does Jared hate this; threatening his son, but he has to make sure TJ's going to have it easier than Jared himself had when he was growing up.  
  
"Anything, but don't make me quit the team. My coach says I have a reasonable chance of getting somewhere with this sport."  
  
"Let's hope he meant home economics." Jared offers his son a devilish grin, showing the boy that he doesn't want to fight with him; that they're okay. Because there's no point in punishing TJ anew for his behavior. When Jared got the first call from TJ's teacher he had grounded his son, the second time he forbid him to attend soccer practice for two weeks. So yeah, no need to let the kid suffer again for old mistakes. Double Jeopardy and all that.  
  
"Ugh, dad!"  
  
"I know, I know. Now finish up your cereals so we can get going. And no training during classes or I will have your coach's ass."  
  
"I bet." TJ mocks with a small roll of his eyes.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"He's cute." TJ shrugs nonchalant. "It's what Cameron said." He adds hastily when Jared looks at him with a huge question mark over his head. Cameron is one of TJ's team members and his son's best friend. The other teenager is openly gay at only sixteen years old and Jared sometimes heard how the boys were talking about their crushes; Cameron cooing over boys and TJ adding his favorite girl from school to the conversation. The father in him freaked out over it, felt the need to lock his son up until he's forty-something but he is also his son's confidant so he calmed himself down... but his eyes and ears are always open and on alert.  
  
Jared doesn't even bother adding more fuel to the fire. And honestly, he couldn't care less about his son's coach. He knows the guy is doing a great job training the boys but other than that he never bothered thinking about him. Hell, he never even met the man. TJ has always been a little too independent and also slightly embarrassed when Jared wanted to accompany him to his games, but as soon as TJ left junior league Jared was banned from hoarding the audience to cheer like a loon and scream "that's my baby!!!" from the top of his lungs. Yeah, okay, he is a total weirdo about it but he’s proud of his son, so why not show it. Or yell it. Across the whole soccer field. And the megaphone he carried along only once. No big deal. TJ begs to differ though. And Jared won’t ever tell anyone about the ‘World’s greatest soccer dad’-sticker he carries in his wallet. You can’t plaster things like that on a Lexus. Duh.  
  
Important games and tournaments he is still allowed to join - in the far back of the audience and an issued gag order by TJ. The megaphone wasn’t allowed anymore either. Jared pouted like a kid and his son rolled his eyes at him, questioning his father’s age.  
  
TJ shovels the rest of his cereals down his throat and Jared only has to remind him twice to close his mouth when chewing. It's a progress.  
  
They leave the house twenty minutes later, only ten minutes too late but TJ checked his hair a hundred times; pulling his shirt left and right and searching for any leftovers between his teeth. A blind man could see how his son is putting just a little too much effort in his appearance to impress whichever girl he likes right now. It sadly reminds Jared of TJ's other father, how he always only cared about his looks and how well he could coax people into submission, he's going to make sure his son doesn't ever turn out like Kerr.  
  
The short drive to school is spent in comfortable silence; Jared's focus on the crazy morning traffic and TJ drumming his thumb in whatever rhythm the music on his iPod delivers. Their little dispute from earlier is long forgotten because Jared can't handle his son being mad at him. This is how they are and the way they make things work; they fight, talk it out and forget and forgive without any grudges disrupting their bond.  
  
“Dad?” TJ pulls the earplugs out and shifts a little in the passenger seat to face Jared. “You sure you’re okay? I noticed you’ve been quiet lately; pensive.”  
  
“I’m fine, really. Don’t worry about it, okay?”  
  
“Yeah, okay.” His son huffs in annoyance.  
  
“Don’t say yeah okay like…”  
  
“Yeah. OKAY! I get it; you don’t wanna talk about it. It’s just… this father-son thing goes both ways, you know? I’m concerned is all. And just because I’m a kid doesn’t mean I’m stupid enough not to notice that something is wrong with you.”  
  
Jared wants to argue; wants to convince his son otherwise but it wouldn’t bring him any further. The boy is stubborn and knows his dad as well as Jared knows his son.  
  
“I met someone.” Is all Jared can croak out. Not only is he scared his son won’t ever agree of Jared being with someone but he also doesn’t want his son to know how he met this someone. But it’s obvious that he can’t keep that many secrets from his teenage son, so throwing him these little pieces won’t hurt. Hopefully.  
  
“Oh. Oh! So, when am I going to meet him?” TJ smiles over at Jared, a glimmer of excitement in his eyes and if Jared’s not mistaken his son even wiggles his eyebrows. God, kids grow up way too fast.  
  
“Never. It’s not like that. I’m not going to see him again, like ever. But he was… nice.”  
  
“Nice? That’s it? If the guy’s only _nice_ then you wouldn’t mope around like a lovesick puppy.”  
  
“I’m slowly getting the feeling that we, you and I, had some really weird Freaky Friday experience and our roles are reversed. Are you sure you are you and I’m me and we didn’t get into an episode of strange body swap?”  
  
“Not funny, dad.”  
  
“Does it look like I’m joking?” Jared glares at his son, daring him to protest. Stopping the car when they finally arrive at TJ’s school.  
  
“Nope. Moping puppy. We’ve figured that already. Seriously though, maybe you’ll meet him again. Or someone else. Who knows. But wasn’t it you who taught me that ‘ _everyone deserves to be happy_ ’? This includes yourself; too. Dad, you barely ever go out and I don’t think you’ve ever dated anyone. Why is that?”  
  
“Does it matter? TJ, there’s no need for you to bother with those things.”  
  
“Bother? I don’t bother, I just wonder why you so adamantly want to be alone.”  
  
“I never said I want to be alone, it’s just how things are. And I’m not really alone, I’ve got you.” Jared smiles at his son. A honest smile, because it’s the truth. There isn’t a single guy in the world who could offer him the happiness he receives from spending as much time as possible with his son. All the intimate things, not only sex – but love, he can learn to live without. It’s really difficult when sometimes all you want is for someone to hold you or just spend a few lazy hours in front of the TV with. He’ll deal with it. Priority number one will always be TJ’s well-being.  
  
“But that’s just it, isn’t it? I’m starting to believe that you’re afraid I wouldn’t approve, because you’re always avoiding the subject of dating, even when you talk to Uncle Chad. You should know me better than that. You raised me after all.” TJ shakes his head in disbelief.  
  
“It’s not that I think you’d maybe have trouble with accepting someone new in our life, I just… TJ, I don’t want either of us getting hurt.”  
  
“Dad, seriously? I don’t believe a word you’re saying. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life alone and let’s face it, you’re miserable. Are you ashamed of me? Is that it? I know how people talk sometimes, how they believe to have any right judging you because you were still a teenager yourself when you had me.”  
  
All of a sudden, TJ’s whole expression changes. He’s only fourteen years old but very smart for his age and usually he’s Jared’s good conscience and all in all way too responsible for his age. But right now he looks all but three years old again; arms wrapped around his own body and fear clouding his features.  
  
“Tristan Jeffrey Padalecki, if I ever hear you speak like that again you’ll have another thing coming.”  
  
“I’m sorry, dad.”  
  
“No. Listen careful now. Yes, people talk crap but I pass them with my head held high, because I could never be ashamed of you. Yes, teenagers shouldn’t have kids but there has never been a single day in my life that I regret having you, no matter how young I was. I’ve been seeing men in the past and no they were not friendly with the idea of me having a son half my own age. Which is their problem, their issues and definitely their loss because honestly? I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone knowing I was able to spare us both the disappointment of being let down, because that’s usually what happens."  
  
“There’s just no way to figure it out without trying, dad. Maybe you should try out one of these creepy dating sites on the internet?” TJ shrugs at him, lips pressed together and eyes all squinty.  
  
“You’re crazier than I thought. What have I done wrong with you?”  
  
“Apparently you’ve done everything right, considering I’m awesome by default.”  
  
“That you are. Now get out, school’s about to start.” He shoves TJ in a playful manner against the boy’s thigh but thinks better of it only a second later when he pulls him back into his arms and hugs him until TJ’s complaining about the lack of air in his lungs. “Thank you.” He whispers to his son and places a kiss on the top of TJ’s hair.  
  
“Oh God. Dad! If anyone saw this I’m so moving out. Out of the country.”  
  
“Pluto’s nice this time of the year, I heard.” Jared grins at his son and starts laughing when TJ gets this furious and angry look in his eyes.  
  
“Whatever.” TJ waves him off. “I almost forgot, this afternoon is extraordinary practice again so I’ll be home a little late. I’ll either catch the bus or call you, okay?”  
  
“Sure thing, son. Have fun and be good. Love you.”  
  
After he drops TJ off at school Jared drives straight to the Starbucks a few blocks over where he knows he'll get his sugar high that keeps him going for at least a few hours and through a few showings with two of his clients. He feels skittish and antsy, without any obvious reason and therefore he's more than happy that his agenda holds only a total of five property showings today.  
  
Back at the office after a rather meager lunch Jared plops down in his desk chair with a _thud_ , rubbing his temples to ease the still present tension he'd been bothered with since he met with his first client this morning. Matt Cohen, a charming and very flirty guy with two sides to his personality. Sometimes he's just a little too handsy and the next time he's all shy kitten. Almost half a year and Jared still couldn't find a house accustomed to Matt's liking and Jared is sure his client isn't that fond of actually finding a property after all. Matt's newly found advances are pretty clear and it shows what he's really looking for. A couple of months ago Jared might have caved and latched his mouth to the hook Matt's been holding out for him but truth is the guy knows as much about Jared as anyone else and Jared knows the shy part of Matt wouldn't take it so well if Jared dumped him after a few hours of fun and some pillow wrestling.  
  
And of course there's this little feeling of guilt inside Jared, always coming to the surface when someone else is scratching that itch Jensen left him with. Matt would be fun, Jared's sure of it, but all his tasteful advances are like water off a duck's back to Jared. He can't deny the want his body feels towards a handsome man such as Matt Cohen, but other than that his mind is being focused on Jensen and he still has rules and one of them is to not mix business with pleasure. He can't do it, can't stop thinking about Jensen and it's driving him crazy. He’s been with a couple of guys since that one perfect night with Jensen, but none of them felt right. With Jensen he explored comfort and a deep longing for more, as batty as it sounds to his own ears.  
  
A couple more weeks go by just like this and when TJ's fifteenth birthday rolls around Jared is excited as ever and finds himself gawking at all the new products The Soccer Factory in San Antonio has to offer. Their store is heaven for every soccer fan and while Jared himself never cared much for the sport he is, thanks to his son, well not obsessed like TJ but he enjoys a good game just as much as he'd never miss a game of his favorite football team.  
  
He's all for the rough tackling, solid and broad bodies, fighting to reach their goal. Yeah, okay, Jared enjoys watching the actual players just an itty bit more than checking the score... it’s so much more entertaining for his midsection than witnessing twenty-two guys chasing after a black and white leather ball.  
  
But, as it is, he's about to get a soccer related birthday gift for his son. Not exactly the best time or place to fantasize about athletes and truth is, whereas these bulky men would probably feel amazing under his fingers none of them could manipulate his body into submission like Jensen had done. God, he's so pathetic. He can't even go shopping without having his thoughts drift off into the past. Still, Jared silently asks himself if he should check out every gym in town, because the other man definitely must work out, if his muscular thighs and strong calves were anything to go by. But then he might really run into him again, see him again. Jared knows for sure that he couldn't resist Jensen if the man was in reaching distance. Yeah. No. Bad. Not good. At all. Even the club where he met Jensen Jared avoids like the plague, too scared they would meet again; end up tangled in sheets later and Jared knows that he couldn't say no to those pleading eyes again. Maybe it really was just Jared's imagination that left him thinking there was something more between them; a connection of some sort. But even if there is, was, then there is the possibility of this connection breaking when Jensen learns that there is more to Jared; that he's a packaged deal.  
  
Finding the perfect present for TJ is always a pain in the ass; the boy already has everything he could possibly need or want. The first years, when little TJ was still an ankle biter and barely able to string a sentence together were financially draining. Jared hated saying no to his boy every time the toddler asked for ice cream or a lollipop; their budget not even enough to cover a visit to the local zoo. On top of that he was desperately trying to find a couple hours of sleep, which barely ever happened; baby TJ cried himself to sleep in his daddy's arms almost every night. For a very long time Jared felt like a terrible parent, stupid and helpless.  
  
Nowadays he does everything to make it up to TJ; spoils him in a healthy manner and often bends his own rules, just enough to make sure TJ still knows that there's a limit to whatever he does or says.  
  
Two hours of rummaging through the whole store and countless ideas and advice from the store manager later and Jared's credit card is a few hundred dollars lighter but his heart heavy with excitement over the prospect of his son having this huge dimpled smile on his face over his present. Well, make that more than one gift. Jared went just a little over board. Oh well. Jared shrugs his shoulders when he’s looking at the five bags in his hands, he’s only got one kid might as well spoil the boy rotten. Money has been tight for a few years, before Jared got lucky and got his job, and now he can happily spend a few more bucks than he could’ve dreamed of ever owning while TJ’s college fund increases with every single one of Jared’s paychecks. Life’s good. Lonely, but good.  
  
At home Jared stuffs all the presents in the far back of his closet; hiding it in boxes and behind clothes, knowing full well that TJ won't even try to sneak a peek, though he doesn't trust him anymore since one Christmas Eve he caught his little boy munching on all the chocolates and gleefully playing with the Batman toys Jared didn't wrap yet. Every year from there on out he had to find new places to hide birthday and Christmas presents. TJ only rolls his eyes at him when Jared teases his son with "Ha! You won't ever find them."  
  
Okay, Jared sometimes acts like a giant five year old. But he just can't help it, it's too much fun bugging the living hell out of TJ.  
  
Two days after his shopping spree Jared, Chad and TJ are lounging on the couch. Chad had suggested a movie night. It's a Friday, so Jared agreed to it since neither of them has to get up early the next day.  
  
"So," Chad claps his hands together and swings his head left and right to get Jared and TJ's attention, "what are your plans this year?"  
  
Jared smiles at him because he knows that Chad's asking about the birthday. It's the same question every year since TJ was only a couple years old. And every year Chad comes up with the same idea.  
  
"I suggest strippers." Chad grins at them.  
  
"Okay." Jared answers and has to hold back his laughter when Chad glares at him; mouth hanging open as far as it could go without breaking his jaw.  
  
"Dad. Stop messing with him." TJ chirps in.  
  
"No, no, it's okay. Keep messing with me. I want lady strippers though."  
  
"Then no, sorry. No lady strippers for me." Jared shrugs.  
  
"God, you really are gay." Chad huffs and throws his arms up in what Jared can only guess is defeat.  
  
"If he wasn't we wouldn't be having this conversation, considering I’m the product of his gayness." TJ offers with a bright smirk before coming up with an idea of his own. "I'd actually, I don't know, just a cook out or something? Maybe I could have a few of my team members over. Would that be okay, dad?"  
  
"Sure. Sounds like a great idea. Just let me know how many people we're talking about."  
  
"Awesome! Thanks dad." TJ flings himself at his dad and hugs him tight, totally ignoring Chad who he is crushing into the couch with his action.  
  
"Cheerleaders then?" Chad mumbles from below TJ.  
  
TJ lifts himself back into a sitting position and smiles at his godfather. "We don't have any."  
  
"What a shame. You really need some cheerleaders."

**~~~•~~~**

Monday afternoon after soccer practice TJ talks to his friends from the team, telling them about his upcoming birthday party and except from a few who can't make it everyone else is on board and excited. They thank him with a hug and a clap on his shoulder before they leave.  
  
TJ sends his dad a text that he'll be home a few minutes later and shortly after receives an answer that he should call his dad if he won't be able to catch the bus.  
  
With a light spring in his step the teenager walks to his coach's office and knocks on the door.  
  
"Come on in."  
  
"Hey coach, you got a minute?"  
  
His coach looks up at him, a fatherly smile on his face and tells him to take a seat.  
  
"What's up, Tristan? Everything okay?"  
  
"No, not really. My dad wants me to talk to you."  
  
His coach looks at him confused but nods, urging him on to spill it.  
  
"Okay, so, uh, I might have skipped a few classes to attend practice in the past."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I know, it was stupid and I shouldn't have done it. But sometimes practice interferes with school and dad says I need to fix this mess or he takes me off the team."  
  
"Sorry, but what were you thinking? Didn't I tell you, all of you, that we work the training schedule out together? Do you have any idea how important school is? Tristan, you're one of our best but if you screw up your life for this sport I will be the one taking you off the team myself."  
  
"That's what I'm trying to avoid, it's why I'm sitting here, confessing."  
  
"Okay, here's what we'll do. Day after tomorrow ya'll gonna hand in your timetables. It will take me a couple days to work something out and re-schedule training to fit everyone's hours but I'm not gonna lose you. This team needs you and we both know it."  
  
"Thank you, coach."  
  
"Anytime."  
  
TJ lingers for a few more seconds, taking in the surroundings of the office. He's been in here a million times but never did he notice how homey it looks. Almost as if his coach never leaves the place. All that's missing is a bed though, other than that it looks like what TJ assumes could be a small apartment.  
  
"Is there anything else I can help you with?"  
  
"Actually there is. Earlier I invited everyone to my birthday party. Next Saturday. And I was wondering if you'd like to come as well?"  
  
"A house full of teenagers? Kids that run me rigid every other day already? I don't see any fun in that." The coach snorts but without any heat behind it.  
  
"Well, my godfather wanted there to be strippers, but apparently my dad didn't approve. So I guess I can’t offer that kind of fun."  
  
"Smart man. Your father."  
  
"That he is. Now come on, coach. Please? By then you could tell my dad about the new schedule. I doubt he'll believe me if I tell him you would re-arrange everything just because of me."  
  
"Aha! I see how it is. There better be some pie for your old coach."  
  
"Knowing my dad, there'll be enough sugar-layered stuff to last the team their whole life."  
  
"Great."  
  
TJ hopes to hell that his dad will get off his back once the coach clears all this crap up because no matter how much he hates that he was lying to his dad, he's not sure he wouldn't skip classes again. He's happy his dad supports him in all his decisions so far, except ditching out of home ecs. TJ only wishes that his dad would realize how serious he is about soccer; that there isn't anything else he can see himself doing in the future. If something happens and he couldn't be an active player on the field anymore then he's sure he'll find a way to manage anyway. Just like his coach had.  
  
He remembers the day his junior league coach introduced the whole team to their new coach, the senior’s son. Before he showed up they heard all the stories about the former pro player; or would have been a professional player if an accident hadn't messed it all up. He was still strong on his legs; still showing every kid the ropes but his strength not enough to last through a whole match, especially when the risk of getting hurt again was too high. The new coach never explained what exactly happened but one thing he taught everyone: never give up your dreams; never let anyone tell you you're not good enough and no matter how defeated you think you are you gotta keep fighting.

 

**~~~•~~~**

Jared is bossing everyone around and maybe, just maybe he's being a little stupid. Acting like he's planning the party of the century and TJ keeps chuckling, mocking him even. Well and he rolls his eyes at his dad more than usual.  
  
"Will you please calm down, dad? It's just a birthday party."  
  
"You only turn fifteen once, boy."  
  
"Every birthday is celebrated only once, doesn't mean you always have to make such a fuss over it. It's not like the president's coming to shake my hand and clap my back."  
  
"But at least thirty people want to have a blast."  
  
"They come for free food and not the stainless windows. Now quit scrubbing each and every tile."  
  
Jared huffs and throws the sponge into the sink. He knows the house is clean but he also knows his mother will be here in less than three hours and she's always looking and searching for spots and dirt, as if Jared wasn't capable of taking care of his own damn house. It had taken Sherri a long time to accept that Jared grew up faster than other kids did. Well he had to, since Sherri didn't stop his father from kicking Jared out when he was pregnant.  
  
No, he's not holding grudges, has long forgiven his parents, but still, somehow he can't stop trying to impress his parents; wants everything to be perfect. And maybe someday his parents will come around and acknowledge his success in life and job. He just hopes he'll still be alive when they're finally able to say that they are proud of him.  
  
It's stupid, he's aware because he knows he himself can be proud of his son and their life but it doesn't hurt hearing it from the people you're supposed to be loved unconditionally by.  
  
He's glad that when Sherri and Gerald show up they're too engrossed in whatever TJ has to tell them, so Jared is safe for now and it's only a little while longer until all of TJ's other guests will arrive.  
  
Jeff and his wife Sarah come crashing through the back door; Sarah's arms are loaded with sweets, presents and a diaper bag while Jeff carries baby Eli and the twin girls trot along, each clutching their favorite toy in their hands.  
  
Jared rushes to Sarah first, not only because she's definitely bringing him his favorite candies, but he's a gentleman and helps her put all the stuff away. Then he snatches the candies and hides them.  
  
After hugging both his nieces he coos a while over his nephew, inhaling the sweet baby scent before he gives the boy a little kiss on his tiny nose.  
  
Jeff of course feels left out and says just that so Jared hugs his brother tight and gives him a kiss on the nose as well. "There, you big baby. Happy now?"  
  
Jeff only tries to push him away and wrinkles his nose in fake disgust which leaves Jared and Sarah cackling.  
  
When all of TJ's soccer buddies show up it gets loud and crowded and Jared wishes he hadn't allowed that many people to show up. But they all behave and mostly only bug the living hell out of Chad who can't seem to get the fire started on the grill. Jared can hear him cussing and cursing and threatens everyone who comes near him because Jared's obviously too stingy to buy a gas grill.  
  
All in all it's fun. TJ seems to be happy and he's chatting with everyone about everything and nothing, always with a content smile on his face. And Jared? Well, he's busy running back and forth; in and out, for drinks, more food and in between he always peeks into Eli's crib, smiling proudly at his nephew who doesn't give a damn about the constant yapping and yelling around him and rocks his tiny legs to the music in the background.  
  
Jared his happy for his brother, he really is but when he picks up his nephew to cradle him in his arms he can feel a pang of envy rushing through him. Part of him is glad he's got TJ out of diapers and that the sleepless nights are over but another, big part of him wishes for something stable like Jeff and Sarah have. They are sickeningly cute together; after all these years still on cloud nine and they have three absolutely amazing and beautiful kids. It's not the first time Jared wonders what his life would be like if he ever grew some balls and take the risk of opening up to someone; dating and all that comes with it.  
  
It's been fifteen years since he could hold his own son like that, and holding his nephew close to his chest opens another emotional gate in him. Most people don't even start thinking about having kids until they're in their mid twenties and here Jared is, thirty with a teenage son already and a wish he knows won't be granted. If there was a guy out there in the world who would accept Jared and the fact that he has a son who's only a few years short of starting college then Jared's sure he'd be thinking about having another. Sleepless nights, diapers and everything. It must be nice to have someone to share all this with a person who loves you.  
  
The ring of the doorbell surprises not only Jared himself but also Eli, who flinches at the shrill sound.  
  
"I get it." Comes Jeff's voice from the kitchen and Jared smiles at his brother. He was supposed to get more drinks but he simply couldn't resist Eli and Jeff seems to have picked up on it.  
  
When Jeff opens the door he's greeted with a sheepish smile and bright eyes staring at him.  
  
"Hey there, can I help you?"  
  
"Hi. I'm Tristan's coach. We haven't met yet. You must be his dad?"  
  
Jeff knows he probably looks a little dumbfounded at the guy but then he remembers his brother's complaining about Tristan expelling him from almost all his games. No wonder the guy doesn't know Tristan's father.  
  
"Oh. No, the hellion isn't my spawn. He's my nephew though. I'm Jeff, Jeff Padalecki."  
  
"Jensen Ackles."  
  
The guy extends his hand to greet him properly and Jeff takes it and invites Jensen inside.  
  
"Welcome then." Jeff says with a smile before he explains that everyone's already out back and half the team is already waiting for their coach.  
  
"You know, you look awfully familiar." Jensen seems a little nervous; lip trapped between his teeth and a light flush covering his cheeks.  
  
"Padalecki genes. We all look alike. It's a curse I tell you that."  
  
Both laugh at that and slowly Jensen's face goes back to its normal color.  
  
"Hey Jay, coach Ackles is here." Jeff calls for his brother from the hallway.  
  
"You haven't met Tristan's dad yet, right? He keeps bitching about Tristan not allowing him to watch the games."  
  
"Really? I heard he's too busy to show."  
  
"Ha! That's my nephew for you. But tell you the truth, Jay's a little too excited about his son playing. Guess the kid's just embarrassed. Can't blame him. Not a word to Jay about this though, I keep telling him I'm on his side."

**~~~•~~~**

  
Jared's busy dodging Eli's fist when he walks to the hallway and stops in his tracks; frozen in place when two green eyes stare at him. He's sure his breathing has completely stopped because he feels dizzy all of a sudden, his chest cramping up and he wants to say something, anything but nothing comes out. Eli chooses that moment to knock his drool covered fist into Jared's jaw and where Jared was trying to avoid exactly that from happening just a minute ago he's now thankful for it, it slowly pulls him out of whatever bizarre world he thinks he's trapped in.  
  
"Uh..." Jared squeaks out, pressing Eli closer to his chest in a lame and of course failing attempt to hide behind the infant.  
  
"You. You are Tristan's _dad_?"  
  
Jeff has no clue what the hell is going on, his eyes going back and forth between his little brother and Jensen and then to his son, who's hopefully not suffocating.  
  
"Jay! Hey. You okay? Come on, gimme my boy, you look like you're about to drop dead." Jeff closes the few steps that separate them and carefully takes his son from Jay's arms.  
  
"Do you know each other?" It's obvious that they do, but Jay looks as if he's seen a ghost. His little brother only nods weakly at him and Jeff's sure he should leave them because the silence is getting really weird.  
  
"Jensen. Coach? You're TJ's coach? I don't understand." Jared is still shell shocked. He has no idea how to handle this situation, never had to in the past and it's not like he thought he'd ever see the guy again. Even though that's exactly what he wanted. But all hope's flying out of the window when he realizes that the only guy he couldn't seem to forget is standing in his damn living room and now knows who Jared is, that he has a son. Jensen seems just as surprised and shocked as he is.  
  
"Wow. I never thought I'd see you again. God, this is awkward." Jensen croaks out.  
  
Under different circumstances Jared would be able to read people, but with Jensen he's at a total loss; can only guess its repulse what keeps the man from looking directly at Jared. And if that's the case then Jared has to pull himself together; get over his disappointment and oh God, Jensen is his son's coach. The other man is right, it is awkward. And a huge massive clusterfuck.  
  
"TJ's already waiting for you." Jared says and he knows his voice is not even close to normal. No, it's strained and as weak as he himself feels right now. Changing the subject is all Jared can think of, he doesn’t want to think about the things that happened between the two of them. All it would cause would be Jared turning all moody and mopey again. He can’t do that, not now, not on his son’s birthday party.  
  
"You're really his _dad_?!" Finally Jensen looks at him, but at the same time Jared wishes that he wouldn't because the disbelief that covers Jensen's face is crushing him. All he can do is nod in answer. "Why did you leave?"  
  
It takes Jared a moment to catch up and understand that Jensen is talking about their night, or rather the next day when Jared all but ran out of Jensen's place.  
  
"Does it matter?" God, he hates how skittish his words come out.  
  
"Kind of. Yeah. I didn't want you to leave. I mean, I... I know it was just a one time thing for you, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. Still can't. And, uh, I had no idea how to contact you."  
  
Jensen snorts at his own words, shaking his head like a mad man and Jared has yet to figure out what's so damn funny. Slowly Jensen's words register and Jared feels even worse than before. So Jensen maybe really did want more happening than their one night but now that he knows about Jared he must feel stupid for even considering it. If it's true that Jensen was still thinking about him then there's nothing that could possibly warm Jared in any way now because right now Jensen must question his own sanity; probably thinking he's a damn fool for considering anything beyond a good lay. Nothing new there for Jared.  
  
"You know I have all these emergency contacts of every team member in my files, hell, I even programmed them all into my phone for fast and easy access, because, uh, my office isn't really that organized. I'm not good with all this paperwork crap and if need be I wouldn't be able to find the contacts and that's why I have them in my phone. My cell phone, you know? That's, uh, that little electronic device, I always carry it with me."  
  
Jared can't decide if Jensen's rambling is the cutest thing he's ever seen or if he should worry where this is going. Because honestly? He's got no idea what's happening but before he can even begin to voice anything Jensen walks like he's switched into auto pilot past Jared and sits down on the couch with a _thud_ ; rearranging the pillows around him like he owns the place and throws his face in his hands, head still shaking and fingers tugging at his own hair. Jared can only stare at the guy.  
  
"You know what that means?" Jared wants to say no, he doesn't, because nothing makes sense anymore, but Jensen beats him to it anyway. "Tristan's dad. That's what it means. That's what it says in my phone. Which is you. _You_. All this time I could've called you but how was I supposed to know that this is you." All of a sudden Jensen shimmies off the couch again; nervously looks around then shoves his hands in his jeans pockets, and damn do these jeans look good on the guy. Seconds later; Jared still staring with his mouth hanging open; ready to catch flies and Jensen fumbles with his phone and then hands it to Jared. He takes the phone and looks at it dumbly until he reads the contact entry.  
  
Tristan's dad. (J. Padalecki)  
210-555-8253  
  
Yeah, that's Jared's number alright.  
  
"So I was maybe a little, okay a lot, going crazy and all I wanted was to see you again but then I thought okay maybe the guy has a boyfriend and then I was going crazier because you didn't seem like the person who would cheat, you seemed so honest and... oh my God, are you seeing someone? Do you have a boyfriend?" Jensen's eyes almost pop out of his head when his head snaps up to blink at Jared and Jared is still rooted to the spot, totally taken aback by all of this rambling and then Jensen slaps a hand over his own mouth before he lets out what Jared can only describe as a very girly squeak.  
  
"Shit! You're married, aren't you? Oh fuck. I am so sorry. Wow. Oh damn."  
  
Okay, Jared can settle on cute because this guy in front of him? The guy who manhandled him and fucked his brains out? Yeah, he's the cutest nervous wreck Jared's ever crossed paths with.  
  
"No. Not seeing anyone. Never married." Jared pushes the words out and the truth of being a single dad who's never been good enough for anyone hurts.  
  
Jensen looks at him then, something like hope in his eyes comes to the surface and Jared just wants to drown in those big doe eyes.  
  
"I'm an idiot." Jensen goes on. "There was this moment when we," he gestures between the two of them, obviously troubled to find the right and appropriate words, "well you know? And you said it loud and clear that you weren't interested in staying longer than necessary but I had the feeling that there was something... more. God, I'm so stupid. I don't even know why I expected you to stay."  
  
Jared never thought he would hear words like this from someone he was in fact interested in. "I have a son." He hears his own voice cracking through the room.  
  
"I _knooow_."

“He’s fifteen. As of today.”

“I know. Shit, I forgot his present in the car.”

And with that Jensen leaves the house, and Jared standing where he is. Jared is pretty sure that within a couple of minutes TJ will be coming to tell him that his coach let him know that he couldn’t make it and to tell the truth, Jared wouldn’t even be surprised. So Jared pats to the door and closes it and when the lock clicks in he swallows hard; forehead pressed against the door and he’s got no idea how to explain to himself what just happened, how he once again has to see what a failure he is, that there’s no man out there willing to give him only the slightest bit of a chance.

Jared tumbles backwards when a knock on the door rattles his forehead and he needs a few seconds to collect himself and all these thoughts in his head before he’s able to drag his hand to the doorknob.

“Sorry, guess the door fell shut.” Jensen looks at him apologetic and waves a poorly wrapped up present in Jared’s face. “Gift. I went to get Tristan’s birthday gift.” He says with a hitch in his voice.

“I have a son.” Jared says it again.

“Well, duh. I know that. Now.”

“No, you wanted to know why I left. Because of TJ, that’s why.”

Jensen cocks his head, wheels inside almost visible how they furiously try to come up with an explanation for Jared’s answer.

“Oh, he wasn’t sick was he? He was perfectly fine the next day during training.” Jensen says matter-of-factly.

Something must show on Jared's face because less than a heartbeat later Jensen's whole expression changes from worried into a mix of understanding and anger.  
  
"Are you saying you left because you have a son?" If it wasn't such a serious topic Jared would laugh at how Jensen's eyes roll far up to his hairline and inwardly, obviously, lets his own question run through his head again. "You know what I mean." He adds sheepishly.  
  
"Jensen, I..." He what? Jared has no idea what to say since the answer is already there. He's too focused on the fact that the last time he let the guy's name roll over his tongue was when he came so long and hard on Jensen's cock that he saw stars. Jared can feel a flush rising over his whole face down to his chest.  
  
"Dinner?" Jensen asks and Jared shakes himself out of his thoughts, reminding himself that Jensen is TJ's coach and came for a reason.  
  
"Yeah, they're all out in the backyard and I think the steaks should be done by now. If Chad got the grill going." Jared says dumbly and leads Jensen back inside.  
  
"That's, uh, good, yes. But so not what I meant." Jensen grabs Jared’s arm and spins him around so they’re face to face again. Jared wants to shake Jensen off, brush his hand off of him but the warmth that spreads through him is too comforting to let go.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Jared, I like you. And I'm acting on nothing but a hunch here, but I get the feeling that you don't really hate me either. I'd really _really_ like to go out with you."  
  
What is this guy even talking about? Of course Jared doesn't hate him. Jared can't even think straight since he met Jensen, can't for the life of him forget the other man. But going out?  
  
"As in... a date?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"But what about... I mean, you don't mind that I have a son?"  
  
Jared wants to throw his hands up in the air and whoop. Like every loser would do. But he's able to control all his emotions for once; can't even find the courage the offer a smile simply out of fear Jensen might not be that serious about his request.  
  
"Jared, he's a great boy. A smartass, sometimes, but nonetheless a good kid. And you're an amazing father."  
  
"How would you know?" Jared's almost snapping but he can't stand it if people think they know him when in fact they know nothing at all.  
  
"Because after I took over the team from my own dad I had a little talk with Tristan and asked if his parents were willing to chaperone for a trip. Well, he corrected me and said that he's been raised by only his dad, _you_. It takes an amazing personality, not only to raise a child on your own but also have it turn into a strong-minded and independent young man such as Tristan. That's how I know."  
  
Oh. Huh. Nobody, besides Jeff, had ever praised him like this. Well, Chad does but with not so many words and usually not with so much affection and... hope.  
  
"So? Do I have to beg? Because I'm actually willing to beg if I have to."  
  
"Okay." Because really, what else is there to say? And Jensen is totally beaming, smiling at Jared like he had just won the lottery. This is absolute new territory for Jared. He doesn't date, didn't go on a date in years and now this amazing and absolutely gorgeous guy is asking him out and seems to be more than okay with Jared and his grown up ankle biter. And now he really wonders how his son will react, if he's okay with Jared going on a date. Sure, he said so but who knows if he'll still be okay with it when he learns that it's his coach who's going to take his dad out.  
  
"Coach! Finally! What took you so long?" TJ's loud voice startles both of them and reminds Jared to quit staring at Jensen. It's difficult, but somehow he manages.  
  
"Hey birthday boy! Congratulations and all that." Jensen pulls TJ in his arms and squeezes him silly. "Here, have a present." He practically shoves the thing in TJ's arms and he seems to be totally excited about the fact that he can hand over a present.  
  
"Don't need to bribe me, coach. Already saved you a buttload of cake and pie and whatever else I could get my hands on before my dad here snatches everything away from under my nose."  
  
Jared glares at him and feels cheated when both, his son and Jensen burst out laughing.  
  
"Hey Tris? I gotta talk to your dad for a few, but I'll be right out to say hello to all the crazy kids."  
  
"Oh. Okay, Thanks, coach." TJ winks at Jensen and Jared has, again, no clue what's going on.  
  
"What was that all about?"  
  
"Your son asked me to talk to you, about the training. Apparently it interferes with his classes and I kinda gave him hell when he told me. Took me a while but I figured out a schedule that's more convenient for all the boys and I might have threatened to take him off the team if he ever misses school again for our games and training." Jensen shrugs nonchalantly but there's also a flash of guilt visible for scolding the boy.  
  
"Thank you, Jensen. This sport is, I don't know, everything for him and I'd really hate having him give it up."  
  
"What can I say? I'm an awesome coach." Jensen is grinning so hard Jared is not sure how much longer he can resist before he takes a few steps closer and kisses the life out of the man.  
  
"I should ask TJ first, you know, if he's okay with me and... uhm, the date?" Jared worries his bottom lip between his teeth and all the nervousness that was slowly disappearing comes back full force.  
  
"Well, ask him."  
  
"What? Now?"  
  
"He's in a good mood it seems, might as well use it and take advantage of it."  
  
Jared's sure he never heard a better idea in his life, besides going on a date with Jensen so Jared calls TJ back inside.

His son's waiting for him to speak up but Jared can't find the right words, doesn't know how to begin but thankfully Jensen's there to save him.  
  
"Tristan, you think it would be okay for you if I take your dad out for dinner next week?"  
  
Jared feels like an overripe tomato; bright red and all bones in his body mushy when TJ looks between the two of them with his brows knitted together.  
  
But then his eyes fly open and he looks sternly at Jensen. "I don’t even wanna know how that just happened but dear God. Yes, please. Thank you!"  
  
Jensen seems more than just confused and Jared needs a minute to let his son's words sink in.  
  
"What?" He eventually asks his son.  
  
"Dad, I love you but honestly? All this brooding is annoying. And coach Ackles is a good guy, right coach?" TJ turns slightly to face Jensen again and then leaves again when one of his buddies calls him over.  
  
"Your son's got a point and I'm not going to argue with him."  
  
“That went smoother than I’d had expected.” He confesses, mostly to himself than to Jensen.

“So, what have you been brooding over? Because my best friend; Chris the bartender, remember him? He told me the same thing about myself. ” The look with which Jensen stares at him should be illegal because for some reason Jared has the feeling that Jensen knows exactly what or better said who he was brooding over. But it wouldn’t surprise him when whatever goes on inside his head is written somewhere on his forehead with a neon marker.

“Shut up.”

“Make me. I dare you.” Licking his lips, Jensen looks up at Jared from under his stupid long lashes and that’s it for Jared. He can’t resist any longer. Jared slowly takes a careful step towards Jensen, giving the other man enough time and room to bolt if he would want to but Jensen only smiles at him; his eyes fixated on Jared’s lips and so he closes these few inches that separate them and tentatively brushes his lips against Jensen’s lips. They are warm, soft and he tastes exactly like Jared remembers and _God_ that man is addicting. Jensen’s hands wander slowly up over Jared’s arms, squeezing his biceps only enough to pull him closer against Jensen’s chest and Jared can’t help but sneak one of his arms around the other man’s waist, holding on before someone could wake him up; his free hand finding leverage on Jensen’s belt loops. Yeah, Jared’s not letting go anytime soon.

It feels like everything around him has vanished and all he can focus on and hear is his own blood rushing through his ears and those intense little whimpers from Jensen. All the heat radiating from Jensen’s body is driving him insane; their bodies pressed flush against one another while Jensen begs with his tongue for entrance and who’s Jared to deny him?

They’ve kissed before… among other things, way more intimate stuff but this kiss feels like it’s Jared’s first kiss all over again. Sappy butterflies and all that and he sure could drown in the taste that is pure Jensen; his sharp aftershave invading Jared’s senses and if the kiss turns a little more heated than appropriate then Jared gladly takes the blame.

After all guests left TJ's birthday, Jared needed a couple hours to wrap his head around the day's events. The party was a total success, all guests stuffed with as much as their stomachs could hold and Jared even allowed TJ to drink half a bottle of beer. Usually Jared wouldn't let him, but Jared felt a little too happy to raise straight by the book. Jensen has been engrossed in soccer-talk with TJ and the other boys but whenever Jared dared to glance over at the man he found himself staring right into green eyes and Jared couldn't help himself ducking his head when a blush stained his cheeks over and over again. These small secret looks and tiny smiles still cause a flutter to appear deep in Jared's stomach and for the first time in his life does he believe that maybe not all men are the same. Sometimes it just takes longer to find that needle in a haystack. Jensen might be this needle for him.  
  
He doesn't feel like a different person, but somehow he does; lighter, as if years worth of carrying weight has been lifted off his shoulder. Jensen was the last to leave and he didn't do so without placing a gentle and promising kiss on Jared's lips. Jared’s fingers keep reaching to his mouth, still not sure if it's all real or if someone comes and wakes him up any minute now.  
  
Jared had just collected the rest of the party's trash; cups and plates and taken it out when he hears his phone ringing from somewhere inside the house and he's not fast enough to grab it. The screen tells him, as if he wouldn't know, that he has one missed call. _'Coach Ackles'_ the screen reads and Jared's sure if he would smile harder his face will explode. And at the same time he wants to smack himself. Now he understands what Jensen had tried to explain during all his rambling, they both had each other's phone number; yet neither aware of it. It's so freaking surreal that all this time when Jared was moping away he was only a few clicks away from Jensen. What makes him dizzy though is the fact that obviously Jensen really wanted more than just their one night. And when that thought hits him he feels guilty again, guilty for leaving the man when he looked at him with so much hurt. And knowing that all this time Jared tried everything to forget Jensen, letting other men touch him while Jensen couldn't forget about him either was eating at Jared.  
  
Jared is still contemplating if he should call back when a text message comes in.  
  
_'friday, 7pm. i'll pick you up. ;)'_


	4. Chapter 4

Jared is freaking out, like really. No, seriously. His hands are shaking so badly he can't figure out why the hell he ever thought it was a good idea to buy that many button down shirts. For a moment his eyes linger over all these normal, button-less shirts and then this sweet gravely voice appears in his memory, telling him that he should dress nice. Jensen had called a couple times since last week, always him who initiated the first contact and whenever Jared asked where they'd go Jensen told him over and over again that it would be a surprise, only letting him know that he might want to wear something nice. Great.  
  
Jared wears suit and tie every day for work, he freaking knows how to tie that damn thing but for some reason his fingers won't cooperate, he can't even button the shirt up correctly. He's just that nervous. Jared's kind of happy that he didn't slit his throat when he shaved earlier and he's still in loggerheads with his hair. It's a mess and no matter how often he combs it, it won't do what he says.  
  
Nobody is there to help him. He even went as far as calling his sister for help, but as soon as he had her on the phone she kindly reminded him that she lives in California. Couldn't she attend college in Texas? Jesus Christ. Chad's no help either, all his best friend had to say was that Jared's the gay one and should know how to dress properly. And his son? Yeah, he left the house to sleep at Cameron's. Fantastic.  
  
In the end Jared tames his hair, somewhat, with his hands and puts on black slacks, an off white shirt and somehow even manages not to strangle himself with this stupid tie.  
  
He feels like an idiot and totally out of place when Jensen shows up in a pair of designer jeans and a black shirt; showing off his arms like Jared wasn't already half hard from the guy's blinding smile alone.  
  
"If I'd have known you wanna get married right away I'd have put on a suit too." Jensen chuckles and actually has the nerve to bite his damn lip when his eyes travel up and down Jared's body.  
  
"You said dress nice."  
  
"Nice, not formal."  
  
"Gimme just a minute and... yeah, I'll go change."  
  
"The hell you will."

  
  
That's all Jared can hear before Jensen yanks at Jared's tie, wraps it around his hand and pulls him down to crash their lips together. Jared is rock hard when Jensen's wicked tongue tangles with his own and practically shoves and pulls at Jared until Jensen's pushing him onto the couch.  
  
"Dinner..." Jared breathes out heavily as Jensen stands in front of him; looking down at Jared with hooded eyes. Food is always good, Jared loves to eat. But Jensen looks so much more delicious right now. Okay, fine, dinner can wait.  
  
"Appetizer first." Jensen states with a smirk and lowers himself to straddle Jared's lap.  
  
Jared pulls him even closer, his hard cock brushing against Jensen's thigh. They kiss hungrily and fast like they're starving for it while Jensen's hands free him from the offending suit jacket.  
  
"What a lovely suit." Jensen's lips breathe against Jared's jaw and he's about to agree but Jensen captures his lips again, sucking on Jared's tongue. "Gonna help you though, changing into something more comfortable."  
  
Jared wants to protest and tell him that he can damn well dress himself when his brain finally decides to read between the lines. Jensen groans when he's getting tired of carefully opening all the buttons on Jared's shirt; simply rips it open and Jared has a pretty heavy deja-vu feeling.  
  
"Why do you always ruin my shirts?" He asks but his voice comes out broken and really? He doesn't give a shit about the shirt.  
  
"It's only the second shirt, I'll buy you a new one." Jensen rolls his eyes but Jared can see that he's not really annoyed. No, Jensen looks like he's about to tear every other remaining fabric from Jared's body.  
  
Jared can feel Jensen's hands on him like, everywhere. Warm wet heat in form of kisses travel over Jared's chest. When Jensen starts sucking and scraping his teeth over Jared's sensitive nubs he's letting his head roll back against the couch. He knows he should participate but he's too busy with willing his orgasm back. Jared's sure he could come from Jensen kissing him alone. Jensen seems to remember exactly how to play Jared's body; caressing all the right spots.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me? Damn you for greeting me in a suit.” There’s no heat behind the words. Well, except _heat_.

Jared's hands find hold on whatever part of Jensen he can reach first and fastest until he's tugging at Jensen's shirt, urging him on but somehow still wants the other man to stop before he will come embarrassingly fast. In his pants; like a teenager.  
  
"Jensen..."  
  
"Mmhh. Taste so good, Jared."  
  
Jared grabs Jensen by the hips then; holding on tight and circles them just so. The friction is almost too good to be true and Jared can't help himself but grunt into Jensen's mouth. He needs more though, wants to feel the other man's skin under his fingers; needs to have his body's heat soaking through Jared’s system and he lets go of Jensen's hips, only long enough to open Jensen's fly.  
  
Everything happens so fast then that Jared's head is spinning. Jensen hops off from Jared's lap, nibbling on his bottom lip while he does so; not willing to let go. But then he's pushing his jeans and boxers down; cock springing free and slapping against his lower belly and Jared moans at the sight, moves closer until his tongue is close enough to lick at the shaft, the taste immediately exploding in his mouth. Jared pulls Jensen back then, taking the whole length between his lips in one fast movement. God, he missed this, the feeling of actually wanting to give his partner pleasure. This is so much more than getting each other off and when he looks up at Jensen he sees that Jensen is watching him intensely; not just Jared sucking him off, no it's almost like he's having the same thoughts. Jensen smiles down at him then while one of his hands caresses Jared's cheek; moaning like a mad man when he can feel his own dick bumping against the inside of Jared's cheek.  
  
Jared frees his right hand from Jensen's hip, slowly dragging it over Jensen's taut abs and chest and he's surprised when Jensen grabs the hand, drags it towards his mouth to suckle on each finger and if Jared's not mistaken Jensen is getting his fingers wet for a greater purpose. Yep, dinner is definitely overrated.  
  
"Jared..."  
  
Jensen is looking at him with pleading eyes, his name on Jensen's lips does things to him he has no words for. But he doesn't need words, not in this moment. Jared hollows his cheeks and with the next bop of his head Jensen grabs Jared's shoulders; blunt nails digging in deep and the pain spurs him on even more. Jared takes Jensen's hard flesh in his hand by the base, tongue toying with the crown and licking the salty pre come from the slit all while his spit wetted hand travels downwards, caressing Jensen’s balls and then carefully Jared works them further down and behind, between Jensen's cheeks; circling his middle finger at the tight pucker but not pushing in. The touch is enough to turn Jensen into a writhing mess, nails scratching over the expanse of Jared's neck and shoulders. 

Slowly Jensen is pushing him back though and for a second Jared thought he might have gone too far, but after everything that would be… weird. So he settles for patience and the reward is definitely worth the ten seconds wait. 

“I hate your clothes.” Is what Jensen says then and Jared really wants to be offended, because that damn suit? Yeah, not a cheap piece. But then Jensen fumbles with Jared’s belt, getting it open and off and then tugs on Jared’s pants and underwear until he’s left sitting on his couch like one of these guys he’s seen in so many porn movies; socks still on and the tie still somewhat in place. Looks like Jensen really likes the tie though; grabbing it again to pull himself back on Jared’s lap and when their naked cocks touch Jared has to squeeze his eyes shut. He really _really_ doesn’t want to come just yet. 

“You seemed a little hungry there, so let’s hurry this up, huh?” Jensen smirks down at him and Jared needs only a short moment to understand that maybe he kind of took his time blowing Jensen, but damn he wanted to finish it. Jensen’s idea isn’t that bad either though, he lines their dicks up and wraps his hand around the both of them, stroking them first slow and gentle, obviously trying to find the perfect pace so it’ll be good for both men. Jensen gathers enough pre come from their cockheads to ease the way while his tongue slips lazily inside Jared’s mouth again. It’s enough courage for Jared to bring his hands back into the game, carefully bringing his right hand behind Jensen and between his crack. Jensen’s rocking his hips in perfect rhythm to his strokes and Jared can’t hold back, wants to see Jensen losing it and pushes his finger inside, ripping a broken groan from the other man. 

“More, Jay… _please_.” Jensen keens and the use of his nickname urges Jared on and he pushes the finger in deeper. It’s an awkward position but when Jensen almost jumps off his lap he’s sure he found exactly what he’s been looking for. With every brush against Jensen’s prostate, the push and pull on their cocks increases in speed. 

Jensen pushes his hips up and down; working Jared’s finger deeper into his willing hole and the sweet little noises he makes drive Jared crazy. It’s a lot of effort but Jared’s giving his best to torture Jensen’s prostate with every new buck of Jensen’s ass, the other man’s greedy pucker sucking Jared’s finger in furiously. When Jensen’s lips let go of Jared’s mouth Jared works his tongue to Jensen’s hard little nubs, scraping his teeth over Jensen’s nipples until the man cries out his release, shooting his orgasm over his own hand and Jared’s abs. Jensen’s hand stills completely when his climax is making his whole body shudder and Jared places his free hand over Jensen’s, stroking faster and stronger and only needs a few more tugs on his overly sensitive cock before he comes with Jensen’s name on his lips. 

They kiss lazily, smiling and smirking at each other and it’s only awkward for a short while after that. Jared’s unsure of what to do or what to say. He half expects Jensen to get up and leave and it’s then when he has to remind himself that this is different, that Jensen does not want to leave. 

Half an hour later they’re both back to decent and Jared actually did change his clothing into something more matching to what Jensen’s wearing and they’re on their way to wherever Jensen wants to take them. 

Jared has no idea what he expected, he was somewhat afraid of ending up in an overly romantic place with wine and candles and all that sappy crap he really has no clue of but he sure as hell didn’t expect Jensen to drag him to a steak house. Don’t get him wrong, Jared isn’t disappointed he’s actually relieved and more than happy. Because steak and beer? Yep, that he can handle. Everything else would be on the edge of too much too soon. 

It takes Jensen a few minutes to find a decent parking spot on the busy street but eventually he manages; but not without asking Jared first if it’s okay for them to walk the few minutes back to the restaurant. Jared agrees, of course, it’s not like he could say no to whatever the guy asks of him. They keep a respectable distance between them while they’re walking on the sidewalk and Jared has to fight against his body that wants nothing more than to close the distance and lace his fingers with Jensen’s. But then again he’s not so sure if Jensen would be pleased with the action and Jared ditches the idea; stuffing his hands into the pockets of his coat. 

A young woman greets them at the door and Jensen lets her know that there’s been a reservation made beforehand and when the woman leads them to their table Jared notices the slight limp in Jensen’s gait. You can barely see it but Jared fast became obsessed with the slight bow of Jensen’s legs so there’s that to blame his attention on. He remembers that TJ once mentioned his coach being in an accident, which is the reason for him ending up as a coach and he knows he’s going to have to ask Jensen about it. Not that he’s nosy, but there isn’t a single thing he doesn’t want to know about the other man. 

They order their food only minutes after and Jared can’t help himself but stare whenever Jensen takes a bite of his steak, those obscene moans of pleasure over the food something he’s usually only used to coming from himself but apparently Jensen really loves the place… and the food. Jared would love to know if he could pull those sounds out of Jensen’s throat again later on. After they leave, of course. 

Between bites and sips of his beer Jared risks a glimpse over his food and it doesn’t matter how or when he’s looking at Jensen, the other man is always locking eyes with him. It makes Jared nervous to no end but Jensen seems to be having the same problem. If he’s not shoveling food in his sinful mouth he’s constantly chewing on his lips, scratching his neck whenever he talks to Jared and of course knocks his glass over when his eyes stay focused on Jared instead of where his hands are going. Saving the glass from toppling over is an useless attempt because while doing so Jensen’s arm pushes his plate and the fork and knife clatter to the ground. Well, that got everyone’s attention. Jared tries his best to hold the chuckle. No seriously, he does, but yeah, he fails miserably and lets out a loud and booming laugh. 

“This is a disaster.” Jensen groans and wipes his hand over his face; his cheeks bright red and droplets of sweat forming on his temples. 

“No, it really isn’t. I’m having fun.” Jared says with a snort. 

Jensen shakes his head, mostly at himself but there’s still a small smile tugging at his lips. “Obviously. But I still suck at this. Jared, I haven’t been on a date in years and honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing here.” 

“Me neither, but I’m enjoying it nonetheless.” 

“Can I ask you something? And please feel free to punch me if I’m overstepping any boundaries here…” 

Jared can see the uncertainty in Jensen’s eyes; the stammering and it’s so obvious what he wants to ask. Jared was waiting for the subject to surface but until now Jensen either didn’t think about it or was afraid of asking. So he shows some mercy with a struggling Jensen in front of him, “TJ?” 

Jensen lowers his gaze and stares a hole into the table cloth, obviously uncomfortable with the private question but eventually nods. 

“What would you like to know?” 

“Not sure.” Jensen begins while folding his napkin, probably so nervous he needs to do something with his hands before he knocks the whole table over. “How old were you when you had him?” 

Jared is a little confused by the question, but then he remembers that Jensen has no clue how old exactly Jared is. It’s not like they really had time to exchange birthdays yet. “Sixteen. Well technically I was still fifteen. TJ was born in April and I turned sixteen in July.” 

“Wow. I bet your family took that well? Sorry, I know it’s none of my business.” 

“It’s okay, Jensen. My family was shocked, to say the least. It wasn’t easy by a long shot and it took them a couple of years to come around, but we’re okay-ish now.” For some reason Jared feels like he could open up to this man; tell him all the bits and pieces of the hurt his heart carries, but he’s still very reserved with Jensen. Well, at least when it comes to the non-sexy times. 

Jared has to keep his cool though, especially in front of Jensen. There is nothing more difficult than trying to play it all down when you'd rather want to cry though. Sure, Jared has forgiven his parents but forgetting all the hurt is a whole different story.  
  
"Shit. I shouldn't have said anything." Jensen says. Jared's vision is a little blurry and it takes him a moment to focus his eyes again and then Jensen's hand covers his own on the table; thumb moving in slow circles over Jared's knuckles.  
  
"Let's order some dessert, before I turn into a girl." Jared suggests with a slight edge to his voice.  
  
Jensen's eyes snap open, "you're still hungry?"  
  
Their conversation slows down a little after that, but it's not uncomfortable. After Jared polishes off his ice cream Jensen is still struggling with his pie and threatens to blame Jared if he ends up fat and they'll have to roll him out of the restaurant. Jared doubts that this will ever happen, with Jensen being active all week. And he says as much to Jensen, his curiosity getting the better of him because there is still the question of why Jensen ended up being a coach.  
  
"So, how's your dad anyway? Haven't seen him since his last game with the team. He still training the little ones?"  
  
"Oh yeah. He planned on keeping his team but Mike, the other trainer quit because the schedule was too tight and it was either soccer or his regular job. Dad needed a new trainer for the junior league but I couldn't... I mean, I'm good with the kids but most of them are barely out of diapers and after a few heated discussions dad caved and now here I am. Let my dad deal with the shorties."  
  
"Well, I can't say I hate the outcome of that." Jared says with a smirk because if it wasn't for Ackles senior taking over junior league he probably would have never met Jensen again.  
  
"I remember TJ telling me about you taking over the team, he said Alan has given you the job, said you actually wanted to go pro. What changed your mind?" Jared throws the question in very careful. He knows there was an accident and Jensen probably knows that Jared knows it but he wants to give Jensen the chance of telling the story himself if and when he's comfortable with it.  
  
And Jared is glad he did put the question out like he did because all of a sudden Jensen's face goes pale, lips pointing downwards and his eyes are filled with hurt. "Fate kinda took that decision from me."  
  
Jared isn't sure how to respond to that, or if he should say anything at all. Instead he worries his bottom lip between his teeth and he feels so stupid now for bringing the subject up. The evening started out perfect and they seem to click, even outside of bed but now it seems like Jared has totally ruined the mood.  
  
"A drunk driver hit our car; almost ten years ago. My, uh, Brady, my boyfriend was driving us back home from my folks. It was really late and my mom and Brady suggested we should stay the night but I wanted to go home, sleep in our own bed, you know? Eventually Brady had enough of my constant nagging and agreed. I already had a couple of beers with my dad and my older brother so there was no way in hell I would have driven that car. Of course all I wanted was to get back to our place but more so did I want for Brady and... uh, me, to arrive in one piece."  
  
Jensen shakes his head then, obviously feeling guilty for what had happened but Jared only wants to slap himself. He expected a lot but definitely not this.  
  
"My legs got trapped between the seat and the dashboard, took the paramedics an hour to cut me free."  
  
Jared is aware of Jensen's tear-filled eyes and he doesn't dare asking what happened to Brady; he doesn't have to.  
  
"Brady didn't make it. He was pronounced DOI but I already knew that. Our car barely stopped shaking when I reached for his hand and there was nothing I could've done. I screamed and yelled at him but he just closed his eyes and then I must have passed out. Next thing I know is my parents standing at my bedside in the hospital."  
  
"God, Jensen. Of course you couldn't have done anything. I'm so very sorry."  
  
Jensen is nodding at him, a forced smile on his lips and it's so very clear that Jensen still feels guilty and Jared is probably not the first person to tell him that none of it is Jensen's fault. And the sheer pain visible on Jensen’s face tells Jared that there is so much more to the story. He doesn’t dare asking.  
  
A while later they're back to their almost usual selves, though Jared still fights against some of the tension in him and all he wants is to scoop Jensen up in his arms and console him but he also doesn't want to steer the conversation back to Jensen's loss.  
  
When their waiter brings the bill for their mounts of food and drinks to the table Jared is the first to snatch it from the plate it's lying on and his reward is a death glare from Jensen.  
  
"Whoa there. No, you ain't paying for this. You do remember that I asked you out, right?" Neither Jared nor Jensen care about the confused and impatient look of the waiter.  
  
"Yeah, but did you see what I was eating? How much I was eating?" Jared didn't even look at the bill yet, it doesn't take a genius to guess that he could probably feed an army with whatever the price is. And honestly, he doesn't care how much it is.  
  
If Jared wasn't so busy staring at Jensen he might have been able to see that the other man fumbled with his wallet under the table and handed his credit card to the waiter.  
  
"Cheater!" Jared says in fake-shock but Jensen's melting smile is enough to look past it.  
  
It's obvious that neither of them have been on a date in quite a while, especially when Jared offers the "I really had fun, tonight."-line to Jensen when they arrive in front of Jared's house and both men are back to being nervous and skittish. It's weird that they fucked before they went out on their date because now Jared's a bit lost of what should happen next. Well, he wants Jensen to come inside because he definitely doesn't want this night to end.  
  
Jensen's eyes are about to pierce a crater into Jared's soul and it feels like they are on the same page. "As cliché as it sounds, but can I walk you to the door?"  
  
Jared nods only a tiny bit too eager which earns him a chuckle from Jensen.  
  
At the door Jensen grabs Jared by the waist, turning him around so they are face to face again. "Hey."  
  
"Hey yourself."  
  
They smile at each other and Jared can't resist any longer, wanted nothing more than to kiss Jensen since they left the house hours ago. So he does. He leans down slowly and brushes his lips against Jensen's. It's slow and gentle, nothing like their heavy make out session from before but it feels like the whole world stops spinning around them. Jared can only focus on the sweet taste of Jensen; his lips still holding a faint taste of apple pie and carefully his tongue tangles along the seam, pushing only so much until Jensen's lips part enough to give Jared access for more.  
  
Jensen's grip on Jared tightens, pulling him closer flush against his chest; their groins meeting and Jared can feel Jensen harden against him. It pulls a moan out of him and he dives his tongue deeper into Jensen's mouth; chasing the smaller man's own tongue. Nothing ever felt so right and perfect for Jared and he's putty in Jensen's hold; loses himself in Jensen and he knows that this is it. That's what he's always wanted. Jensen is perfect; he kisses like he's getting paid millions for it, like Jared is the only person in the world that matters and Jared knows that whatever happens next there will never be anyone as perfect as Jensen for him.  
  
"Stay?" Jared asks and he immediately hates how much worry his trembling voice carries.  
  
"Nowhere I'd rather be." Jensen grins and reluctantly let’s go of Jared but then urges him on to unlock the door and get inside.  
  
They stumble hastily into Jared's bedroom, their lips never letting go of each other and Jared can feel Jensen's hands everywhere on his body. Clothes are shed fast but then Jensen is the one who slows them down; walking backwards and pulling Jared with him until the bed is finally right there. Their naked skin is covered with goose bumps; Jared is so hard and so far gone already that every time his dick comes in contact with Jensen's leaking member he's short of coming undone.  
  
Jensen runs his fingers through Jared's hair, tugging just enough to bare his throat. "Want you." Jensen groans between kissing and sucking along Jared's pulse point.  
  
It sounds like so much more. There's more than just lust and raw need in Jensen's words and Jared is almost certain the other man is talking about more than the inevitable. This isn't only about sex, and the thought of Jensen wanting Jared is unbelievably overwhelming.  
  
"Don't... don't move." Jared moans against Jensen's mouth and untangles his arms from the other man, then hurries to the bedside drawer for the needed supplies. With condom and lube in his hands he goes back to where Jensen is still waiting and he wants to hand the items over but Jensen shakes his head and smiles up at Jared, green eyes fixated on him from behind thick lashes.  
  
"Want you to fuck me, Jay."  
  
"Jesus Christ." Yeah, Jared can totally do that. Fuck, the need in Jensen's eyes is almost too much for him to handle. "Turn around." He orders and Jensen does as he's told, moving his shaking legs so he's facing the bed.  
  
Jared rests his free hand between Jensen's shoulder blades, ghosting his knuckles down over Jensen's spine and the man's skin is vibrating, every muscle twitching by the light touch. Jared steps closer then, his lips brushing over Jensen's neck, kisses and licks behind Jensen's ear while his hand is tightly wrapped around the man's waist; fingers playing with the fine hair at the navel and then further down until his big hand finds Jensen's dick.  
  
"Jay, please."  
  
"You feel so amazing, want to taste you.” He whispers hoarsely in Jensen’s ear and sucks the lobe between his lips; moaning at the sudden hitch in Jensen’s breathing. 

Jared loosens his fingers from Jensen’s cock, Jensen protesting with a strangled groan. Jared’s flat palm stroking over Jensen’s side until the tips of his fingers are close enough to the man’s shoulder, squeezing it softly. He steps even closer then, his bare cock nudging against Jensen’s ass and a hot shiver bolts through Jared. God, he can’t wait to be inside Jensen, feel him around his aching cock.  
  
Jared usually loves to bottom, the stretch and burn when he is connected with someone through the most private part of his body; something that drives him wild and makes his insides burn with more. He didn’t bottom for anyone since Jensen, of course he tried; his head even told him he wanted it, body begging him to let someone enter but his heart was not in it. For some reason he fully expected Jensen to top, wanted it even; craved it and yet he’s totally stunned that Jensen is offering himself to Jared, because he never thought the man to bottom for anyone. Jensen was outspoken and bossy when they first met; yet gentle and perceptive but he called the shots and Jared went willingly.  
  
Now though, now it's Jared's turn and whereas he loved being manhandled by Jensen Jared will take things to the next level. He wants Jensen; as a friend, a lover and so much more. Jared feels the need to show Jensen just how good Jared can be for him. All these emotions make him dizzy, never before did it feel like this with anyone and he isn't even sure if Jensen realizes how strongly he's affecting Jared.  
  
Jensen's skin is layered with a mix of soap and the newly formed droplets of sweat; so sweet and salty that Jared's tongue is acting on its own when his mouth is exploring every inch of Jensen's back. The older man is moaning; begging for Jared and closes his own hand around his cock to stroke it.  
  
Jared puts the lube and condoms on the bed; wanting both hands on Jensen to secure him by the hips to keep him from sagging onto the floor. He kisses Jensen's back, all the way down, pulling the sexiest sounds from Jensen's lips and Jared moves his tongue lower until he has to crouch behind Jensen. The man's whole body is shaking blissfully under Jared's lips and when his mouth finally gets close enough to Jensen's buttocks he pulls his hands away from Jensen's hips,  
  
He takes both of Jensen's cheeks in his hands, kneading the soft globes and pushes a thumb between. Jensen is almost toppling forward but Jared holds him in place, his grip probably bruising on Jensen's ass but neither one of them seem to mind. Jared showers each cheek with more kisses before he nudges Jensen's legs further apart with his own knees then spreads Jensen's ass with his hands and leans in to swipe his tongue over Jensen's warm hole.  
  
"Oh my God!" Jensen screams; his hands suddenly letting go of his own dick to reach behind him, searching for any part of Jared to find hold on.  
  
Jared has mercy with Jensen though, because the last thing he wants is for Jensen to break any bones if neither of them has a fast enough reflex to keep the guy standing.  
  
"Bed." Jared whispers against Jensen's ass but the guy seems to be so far away he doesn't move an inch. Jared gets up from his position and his knees give a cracking sound by the sudden movement. "Come on. Get on there." Jared says against Jensen's neck and pushes him forward.  
  
Jared lowers himself between Jensen's legs; spreading them with his elbows as wide as the other man lets him, Jensen's ass right in front of him and he dives back in without a warning. His tongue licking around the little hole and he uses his hands to spread Jensen's cheeks for even better access; sucking on the pucker until Jensen is thrashing his hands in the sheets, his moans turning Jared on to a level he didn't know was possible to reach. When he fucks his tongue inside Jensen bucks up, impaling himself on Jared's tongue and Jared isn't sure how much longer he can hold back and decides to add more pleasure by adding one of his fingers, pushing in all the way while his saliva slicks Jensen's channel.  
  
"Two. Come... on! Jay! Gimme another finger." Jensen begs while he's rutting on the mattress.  
  
And Jared obeys happily. He keeps fucking Jensen with two fingers and soon adds a third. He's listening to the hitch in Jensen's voice, searching for any sign of discomfort but the other man is only begging for more; Jensen's legs trembling and one knee pulled up almost connecting with his chest.  
  
Jensen turns his head towards Jared, eyes small and yet blown so wide with want. "I'm good. Do it, Jay."  
  
Jared leans over then; capturing Jensen's mouth with his own, tangling their tongues and more heat rushes through him when their skin rubs together; sweat from Jensen's back burning into Jared's chest and his bare cock slides between the man's cheeks.  
  
Jared pulls back then and opens the condom; stroking his dick once before he puts it on and then squirts lube on his hard flesh; coating the condom good and proper and wipes the rest of the lube from his hand over Jensen's hole, pushing the lube inside with two fingers.  
  
"Jesus!" Jensen yelps when Jared keeps brushing against Jensen's prostate. "Fuck me, already."  
  
"You sure?" Jared asks mockingly. 

“Jay, I swear to God…” Jensen’s jaw clenches, the vein on his forehead almost popping and Jared can’t help but chuckle at how adorable Jensen is when he’s fuming because he’s so horny he’s about to smack Jared in the head. 

“So bossy.” Jared mumbles in a delightful tone. He holds himself up with one hand on the mattress, the other hand bringing his rock hard cock closer to Jensen’s greedy hole; circling the entrance a couple times before he slowly pushes the head in. Jensen is still so tight Jared isn’t sure if he’s able to hold his climax back but he wants to go all the way; needs to. And fucking Christ does it feel good. 

Inch by inch Jared drives deeper into Jensen’s tight heat; the man beneath him breathing heavy. “You okay?” Worry creeps up in Jared and he can only sigh in relief when Jensen offers the smallest nod. 

“Yeah. Just… slow. It’s been a while and you’re not exactly small.” 

Jared hooks his right hand under Jensen’s knee then, pushing it further up and his cock slowly in until he bottoms out. Jensen feels absolutely amazing around his cock. Hot and wet and Jared wants to stay like this forever, buried balls deep in this gorgeous man; feeling every pleasant gasp of Jensen. 

He gives Jensen a long minute to adjust and when he gives Jared the okay to move he does. Pulling almost all the way out and then back in; angling his hips just so and aims for Jensen’s prostate and with every other thrust Jensen cries his lust out; meeting Jared’s push and trying to get him deeper. 

“So full, fuck. Jay, God please. So c-close.” 

Jared feels the urge to just fuck Jensen stupid; shove his dick in and out, until they both see stars but instead he settles for smooth but yet effective, laying his chest flush against Jensen’s back while still fucking gently in and out of Jensen. The man squirms under him, ass bucking up, fruitlessly trying to get his hand on his cock. But Jared won’t have any of it, he takes Jensen’s hands and moves them back up on the pillow; resting left and right besides Jensen’s head while Jared’s hands roam over Jensen’s sides and goes straight for Jensen’s nipples; twisting and pinching. 

After the next snap of his pelvis Jared pulls out completely, flipping Jensen over on his back and the surprised gasp from Jensen and his big doe eyes staring up at him, really does some weird things to Jared’s chest; all tight and aching for more. Realization hits him when Jensen’s eyes crinkle lightly at the corners – he can’t let go, Jared won’t ever let Jensen walk out on him. And even more terrifying, Jared couldn’t possibly imagine another day without this man. 

Jared wraps Jensen’s legs around his waist then, pushing back in, but this time with more power, his orgasm so close he can feel the tingle even in his toes. Jensen holds on to Jared’s arms, scratching and pulling, urging Jared on to fuck him harder and faster. Jensen is trembling and tossing underneath him and when he takes hold of his dick Jared shoves his hands away, taking matters in his own hand and stripping Jensen’s cock, stroking him in rhythm with his thrusts and gathers the pre come from the slit to rub it over the soft mushroom shaped head. 

“So beautiful, Jen.” 

Jensen comes only seconds later, crying out Jared’s name and when his hole clenches around Jared’s cock he leans over, taking Jensen’s lips in a brutal kiss. He fucks Jensen through his orgasm; come-covered hand trapped between them, still not letting go of Jensen’s softening flesh. 

Jensen is shuddering with aftershocks; miles of freckled skin vibrating in Jared’s hands and he bites down on Jensen’s collarbone, sucking the spot eagerly until it turns vividly red and soothes it right after with the smallest of licks until Jensen comes down from his high. And Jensen grabs Jared by the back of his neck then, pulling him down to crash their lips together all while Jared keeps on thrusting lazily into Jensen’s abused hole; his orgasm so close but God he wants this to last; doesn’t want this to end just yet. Their bodies still producing so much heat, not even Jensen’s come between their bellies able to cool off and Jared smears his thumb through it; gathering some of it to rub it over Jensen’s nipples. Jensen takes the hand in his own, bringing it up to his lips and licks his own come from the tip of Jared’s thumb. 

“Wow. Oh damn, that’s so fucking hot.” Jared stammers. God, Jensen’s face is all flushed, a blissful and fucked out smile tugging around Jared’s thumb and he can’t take it any longer. Everything inside of him is screaming; stomach twisting and heart beating so fast he’s sure the whole neighborhood can her its _boom boom boom_. Jared squeezes his eyes when after one more thrust of his hips he stills completely inside Jensen’s quivering hole and his orgasm hits him full force; slamming through him excessively. 

When Jared opens his eyes again Jensen smiles wickedly at him and Jesus Christ there’s still some come left on his chin and Jared crawls forward to lick it off and then moves down Jensen’s neck and over his stomach to lick off the rest as well. Jensen’s spent cock lies against his thigh and Jared kisses it; sucking it into his mouth until Jensen is a mess of needy whimpers and he pulls Jared back up to suck his own taste out of Jared’s mouth. 

Jared drops his still buzzing form next to Jensen; arms going around the other man’s waist and their foreheads pressed together, their breaths mingling and Jared is just… happy. He can feel the warmth spreading over his cheeks, the butterflies in his stomach still flying and a content sigh leaves his lips when Jensen shimmies closer; tangling their legs together. 

“That was… “ 

“Amazing.” Jensen’s lips form an ‘O’ and he breathes out softly. But Jared’s sure that amazing alone doesn’t even begin cover it. It’s by far the most intense orgasm he’s ever had, because for the first time all his emotions were in it; as well as his heart and _that_ has always been a deal breaker for him before. 

When they’re facing each other, Jensen watches him then, breathing slowly evening out, teeth nibbling at the corner of his mouth and his eyes bore into Jared's; something flickers in the bright green and Jensen's hand caresses his jaw with a tender touch and Jared leans in, can't seem to get enough of Jensen on him.  
  
Jensen licks his lips then and Jared thinks he's going for another kiss but then it looks like Jensen wants to say something; mouth opening and twitching before he closes it again. Jared just looks at him. Whatever Jensen feels the need to voice isn't obviously something easy to tell and Jared feels a rush of disappointment and hurt in his heart.  
  
Jensen closes his eyes and takes in a straining dose of air. "I think I'm in love with you."  
  
Jared blinks at him stupidly, the words hitting him only an eternity later and then he takes a deep whimpering breath and he can feel his cheeks beginning to burn with the stretch of his smile.  
  
"I think I'm in love with you too." Jared says and he never thought he'd ever be able to speak those words to anyone, much less hear a man say it to him. All the loneliness and hurt over the last years finally paying off and Jared can practically feel the mending his heart is undergoing from here on out.

They keep looking at each other; Jared not able to comprehend how he got so lucky. He knew he had feelings for Jensen, knew there was some sort of connection between them right from their first encounter at the club and the attempt of forgetting Jensen after their one night stand was painful, it felt like he was breaking and now he’s got this beautiful man lying next to him, smiling at him. And God, _Jensen loves him_.

“Will you stay?” Jared asks all of a sudden and he knows he’s projecting his thoughts into the question, because they already talked about Jensen staying the night. But Jared doesn’t want Jensen to leave. Ever. 

Jensen props himself up on his elbow, face looming over Jared’s and then straddles him, lips closing over Jared’s and he kisses him until they’re out of breath again before he leans back a little, smiling down at Jared. 

“Always.”

 

[end.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing "the end" underneath this is kind of... well, uh, a lie?! I mean, it could damn well end here. But someday I'll get back to them, because Jensen's 'story' isn't over. :) Thanks for reading!


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